What I’ve Learned Besides Technique

In the last week and a half I’ve met a lot of people… One of those people being Dr. Perry, my role model and inspiration for a minimum of 4 years…
The other being someone who I was told by my amazing teacher through massage school to learn under if I ever got the chance…
I also saw two very different people… You know how, there’s that one person that you want to “be like” in a sense, you admire their every move and are in awe every time they open their mouth? Then you finally get to meet them and you realize they aren’t everything you thought they were?
Dr. Perry has officially set the bar of how I want to be some day… Obviously, in my own way… But I watched him all weekend and he was accepting clients, but he charges like $300 for an hour session! Which was crazy! But those of us who couldn’t afford to schedule an appointment with him, he didn’t turn us down… I watched him through 4 out of 5 scheduled clients and he gave us pretty dang close to the same amount of care… If we had a problem he wanted to at least evaluate us and get us on a path to helping it…

Dr. Perry wants to teach concepts rather than technique, and you want to know why I’ve had any success treating TMJ? Dr. Perry’s concepts… Because he gave us things to take and mold and try and test, rather than a protocol to memorize that limits us…
Erik on the other hand, I could barely get in a question with his helpers, much less Erik himself… Granted, I was at a disadvantage because Erik and/or his helpers personally knew over half of the 153 people who were there… On breaks they were busy, during lunch and after class they were out of there so daggum fast that you didn’t get a chance to ask questions… And the one time I stayed late to see if I could ask about some of the technique, I could tell Erik was getting agitated that his ride kept getting distracted… So I figured I would try to wait and let them leave…
I never want to become so engulfed in my work that I become inapproachable or untouchable. If I get to the point of being able to teach, I would want people to come to me and ask questions… Even if they are coming to me for self-care questions, Erik himself said this weekend, people become experts at treating others for the things they have to fix on themselves…
And it’s true, someone comes in to me for a hip injury and needs to know how to maintain it, I can give them a laundry list… Why? Because, I had to recover from a nasty hip injury and I went through great lengths to learn how to correct and maintain it…
However, they come to me for an arm issue or a jaw issue, though I’m learning, I still get a little stumped…
If there’s anything I learned out of these two workshops other than some killer techniques it’s this…
I want to be the person to inspire…
I want to be the one who teaches, guides and helps…
I want to be the one to foster the desire to learn…
But I also want to be the person to be able to charge $300 for an hour…
But I never want to be so set on making money that I won’t help someone who can’t afford it…

Over the last couple years people who barely knew me and people who did (and still do) know me have stepped up to help me on this journey… Both with their financial investments and their time investments… I have not forgotten, nor will I forget, I have some goals I am trying to reach, but I will return the generosity that has been given to me…
But momentarily I want to just take a moment to thank everyone who has been on this journey with me… My mom for stepping up and helping me where she can… My siblings for taking over chores that I don’t have time to tackle working 5-6 days a week or when I was going to school… My massage teachers for helping develop my passion and spending extra time with me just letting my brain be crazy… Dr. Dukes and Dr. David for putting me on this path in the first place… Dr. Mike for making school possible… And Dr. Perry, who has gotten me off on a whole other tangent and may not be fully aware that he’s stuck with me from this point forward if he will let me… And those who have just been supportive of my journey… It’s always good to know I have people who believe in me…
And Dan the chiropractor from NJ… Who may never see this… I met him at the Primal Movement Chains workshop… He asked me what my job was, I responded with “Just a massage therapist.” He asked me why the doubt in myself and I explained to him that I didn’t feel like I had enough knowledge to really make a difference… I promptly got a talking to because I should think more highly of my job title because if I continue down the path I’m on I will be able to help more people than any MD or Chiropractor… Which, I’m not completely sure on the whole Chiropractor thing… But after learning with Dr. Perry, and getting to learn with him again come August, I think I’m ready to take on the world!
I’ve been blessed with an amazing opportunity… An opportunity that I’ve questioned at times, working three jobs 5-6 days a week and still not making enough to support myself, my 3 horses and my dog and cat without my mom’s help… But I have a good feeling about the next year or so… I’m excited to see where it goes…
God Bless,
Jessica

Tithe

I’m getting ready for these two sets of classes which I am totally stoked about! Can’t wait to hit the road…

But in the meantime, I’ve been trying to find time to write on something that has been on my heart for the last three weeks now…

Tithe…

Yes, giving money to the God, through the church as we are instructed to do in the Bible… Now, due to my time crunch as I still have to get ready to leave and go shopping and finish packing, I am not going to provide all the scripture and whatnot, however if you are ambitious you will find the scripture in the Bible…

Anyway, tithing is important, it is even something that we are told that we were allowed to test God’s word in. That when we tithe we will receive even more in return.

I don’t actually know where, if at all it is found in the Bible… I could not find a “where” but I am told it is in there… That we are to give or tithes to our church “home” and that should be where our tithes go.

However, some of us are between churches and even though I am still “tithing” it has not been going to a church. It’s been sitting in a place until I found a church home.

The problem I was having was that I was feeling called to tithe at a church I do not call home. So after talking to some people and praying about it something finally dawned on me…

Do you still pay rent at an apartment? A hotel? A rental house? Yes… Even though it’s only temporary… So if we do not have a church home, but we are in between with a temporary church that we are going to every week, why not tithe?

So what I did was I wrote the Tithe Declaration/Prayer on the back of my envelope and all the tithe that I had set aside I gave to the church… I felt a little uneasy once I had done it, but then I knew I made the right decision.

After that, I started seeing God’s work come through again… I always love seeing the results in Tithing, it tickles me that when we don’t tithe we go through dry spells, but the moment we tithe things seem to flourish… After tithing, my clients gave me “bonuses” to help me pay for my classes, and I got new clients, heard from clients I haven’t heard from in MONTHS, was told I would be able to make payments on a class until I could afford to pay them in full, found out that 3 of my 4 classes I won’t have to pay for a hotel because I have friends who have family that are willing to let me stay with them, gas prices have dropped from $2.15 to $1.91 in the last two days right before I leave… I’ve only got one things I mentally struggling with financially and that is I’ve got something I want to do during my class this weekend, but it costs $300 and as much as I could learn from it and benefit from it, my brain says it’s crazy to pay $300 for 45 minutes of someone’s time… Even if it is one of the people who I most look up to in the world of bodywork… So by no means, is it a NEED…

Every time I tithe God never fails to amaze me…

And do I know for sure that my theory on tithing at a church that isn’t “home” is right? No, I don’t know… But I know the idea was put into my brain, I acted on that idea and I am seeing the reward… To be honest I don’t know if it’s backed biblically or not, but it makes sense and it worked for me. I know I am trying to be obedient to God’s word and I think for that God will Honor that…

God Bless,

Happy Tithing!

Jessica

Memorial Day 2017

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And Memorial Day is tomorrow….
I am sad because this year I am not able to do my chair massages for the vets at the Memorial Day BBQ at the Museum. But next year… I’ll be there…
Anyway, a lot has changed and after being around the Vets last year and seeing the impact of the remembrance of fallen soldiers… it moves you. If you have any emotion at all, it moves you…
Now, as I am exposed on a weekly basis to all my Veterans I continue to have a learned respect for these men and women who put their lives on the line, who lost their lives in doing so…
We thank the families who have sacrificed, who spend their Memorial Day remembering a spouse, sibling, grandparent or child.
Because some of us don’t have the discipline or the courage to stand up for our country voluntarily like that. Myself included. So someone else had to fill that place.
To be honest, actively I am not one to do anything special for Memorial Day. But unless I am around Veterans or active-duty it’s hard for me to get in touch with those emotions.
But I will say this. To the millions who have fallen for the sake of this country. We thank you. You will always be remembered. You will always be a part of something great. You did not sacrifice for no reason at all…

So for everyone out there, take a moment to remember:
It’s about the 626,000 Americans killed during the Civil War.
The 116,000 Killed in WWI
The 405,000 in WWII
The 36,000 in the Korean War
The 58,000 in the Vietnam War
The 2,300 killed in Afghanistan
The 4,500 in Iraq
And every other person who willing sacrificed for our freedom, for our country, for our safety…

Thank you…

God Bless…
Jessica

 

Totally just took me 4 hours to realize I didn’t put the title up!

The Plea of a Massage Therapist

As a massage therapist no one tells you that you go from being well taken care of, to having little to no time or desire to get massages and chiropractic adjustments.

Most people go to work and find some time to get a massage, or get adjusted…
But here’s the thing, on your weekend that you get, we are working so you can relax and enjoy your weekend.
On your holiday, we are working so you can enjoy your long weekend/vacation.
When you get off work, we stay late so you can get taken care of.
Before you go to work we get up early so you can get taken care of…
Sundays and National Holidays we are closed, no one is open… so we don’t have the choice to get a massage…
By the time we get off work at 6:45 or 8. We are hungry. We want to go home, eat and go to bed. Most of us have kids or a husband or animals that we want to get back to. Some of us have things that just need doing. We don’t want to be social, we don’t want to talk to anyone, we just want to go home. We work a 9-12 hour day, on our feet with no breaks, we are lucky if we get a 45 minute lunch break. People think our 10 minute recovery time should be included into our 15 minute lunch break.
And heaven forbid someone is running behind and you are told to extend the Massage another 15 minutes and you only have a 30 minute lunch…
We can’t get up early and get a massage because no one is open, plus, it just sucks to get a massage before you work all day.
If you are a homebody then the one or two days you might have off, you don’t want to go anywhere, see anyone, or do anything. It drains you to work everyday.
Then we go to work with people complaining about their pains and they just want you to fix them. Then they want to complain because it wasn’t good enough, it was too rough, too soft, not enough kneading, no hot stones, no oils, too much oils, still can’t move this, still hurts there, and we as the massage therapist do what is necessary to fix it. Or completely prevent the problem in the first place…

We either don’t have time, due to animals and/or family and work, or we are just too tired to go anywhere on a day off…
But no one sees the blood, sweat and tears that goes into being a massage therapist…
No one knows how much physical pain the massage therapist is in, or how tired they are…

Part of why I wanted to join this line of work was because it is such a positive environment. Massage therapists and chiropractors are both generally very friendly, very chirpy, very kind hearted and down-to-earth people. Those were the kind of people I wanted to work with.
And being with other therapists as well as being a therapist myself gives me a new perspective on things. Sometimes we have to try to be chirpy and happy, but we do it because at the end of the day, the fact that we helped someone be in less pain, or destress after work, or just enjoy their day, is what makes us feel good.
We endure our pain so that you can get taken care of.
And you know, I’m sure my Chiro has done it for me. I’m sure out of the 7 years he’s worked on me he’s had at least one day that he’s been sore, or tired, or both.
So now it’s my turn.
And you know what, I get to work everyday and I’m excited. I love my job and I wouldn’t change a thing about it. I love my clients, I love my co-workers, and it really is the best job…
All I ask, is that you let your massage therapist know that you appreciate them. As long as they were respectful and tried their best to do their job, take care of them, tip them well and let them know that they helped.
Also, be honest with them during your massage. They can better accommodate you while you are on their table. Once you get off the table they can’t help when it comes to your massage. At least not till the next time. I guess I can’t speak for everyone but I would much rather you tell me at that moment “Hey, I don’t like this.” Than go behind me and tell everyone how I don’t listen and I hurt you and wouldn’t lighten the pressure… because I’ll tell you what, when you get off that table saying everything was great and you loved it, and then you complain up a storm, somehow it always gets back to the therapist… so please, just be honest. Don’t worry about hurting our feelings. Constructive criticism is always good. Just don’t abuse it… please…

“Hello, my name is Jessica, and even though I’ve been working 8 hours already today, my feet feel like they are walking on needles, my shoulders feel like they are on fire, my low back aches, I’m having trouble baring weight on my left leg, my thumbs are killing me and I’m ready to fall asleep while standing here, I am excited to be your massage therapist today and I’m happy to help! Where can we start? What would you like for me to do? And do you only want to relax or would you like me to see where we can make changes so you don’t hurt tomorrow?”

We start face down and I happily give 60-90 minutes of my work to my client. All for about $12.

It sounds like a rough gig. And I’m not going to say it’s easy.
But again, I love it and I wouldn’t change a thing! It’s all worth it at the end of the day. And my clients who are regulars that I see every week make it well worth my time. When I see certain people hit my schedule I get excited and I know it’s going to be a good day!
But on the same note, every day is a good day when you genuinely enjoy your work…

Have a great weekend! And get lots of massages!

Jessica

Dating is a Learning Curve

I know this is public… And obviously not every situation has to be shared through this. But I did this so that I could learn and so that people can hopefully learn from my mistakes…
I dated my first boyfriend for a year. That was a rough one, I invested so much emotionally, physically and mentally, when I realized things weren’t going to work, I struggled to end the relationship. I tried twice in March to tell him I was done, I half way tried again at the end of March. Telling him that I needed to be done, but didn’t tell him I WANTED to be done.
I didn’t want to hurt him. He is far more sensitive than me and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Then I realized that hanging onto him was only hurting both of us more. It was hurting me more because it was adding to my stress, I found that every other night I was venting about something. And him, he was trying to find ways to relocate so he could be 4 hours closer putting him only 30 minutes away from me so we could actually see each other.
I got tired of skipping things I wanted to do because I was trying to spend time with him because I knew if I didn’t take that time, I wouldn’t get to talk to him. Our evenings were screwed up… My family is busy getting kids ready for bed, getting everyone showered and ready for the next day. So after dinner at 6:30-10 I’m doing absolutely nothing. About 10:00 pm mom wants to spend time with me till she goes to bed.
My ex-boyfriend on the other hand wanted to watch movies from 6:30-10 and would get huffy because I would go talk to mom and by the time I got him called back, he was already in bed. OR I would choose to talk to him over spending time with mom, and he would sit on his phone the whole time. Making me regret not going and talking with mom.
He took me to a military ball back in November and I never told anyone because I was ashamed of the fact that he did this to me and I still stayed with him, once his buddies left, he spent the last hour and a half on his phone. So I sat there watching everyone else talk while he played on fb. On top of that, he was supposed to pay for half of my plane ticket up there. He told me he would pay for my dress and the hotel… Then he tells me that he paid for one dinner for me, my mom and my two sisters, and paid for the tickets for the ball for myself and him so felt we were even… I had spent well over $500… Which, I was relying on halving at least $300 back.
To begin listing problems I was having, his cursing had gotten too much. I don’t curse so it eventually wears on your ears when the smallest mishap causes a string of curse words. He would lose a game on his phone and you would hear “You Mother F’ing, son of a f’ing B****, you F’ing F’er,” and I would ask him if that was really necessary and he’d answer back with a short tempered yes.
He was obsessive over the fact that he would always carry a gun around my mom’s husband because he wanted to have the upper hand if her husband did something he didn’t approve of. He told me on multiple occasions that he would shoot her husband if he felt like it was necessary.
He hated both of my parents, regardless of the fact that they were nice to him despite the fact that they did not approve of him. But rather than trying to get to know them, he chose to avoid them in every way possible.
When it came to his temper, he couldn’t handle owning it and controlling it. It was always “well so and so made me angry.” “Only you can let them make you angry.” “No. They made me get angry.” He could own up his mistakes in a heartbeat when it came to me. Which was something that pulled me closer to him. But when it came to his temper as long as it wasn’t me, it was everyone else that made him angry. Or it was his anxiety, apparently his anxiety causes him to have a hot temper too…
Due to respect for him, there were some pretty major things that supposedly played into his anxiety that I cannot publicly say, but I didn’t see those things… I feel like they should have been more obvious, but it took me talking to other people within the army for me to start seeing that the things my ex-boyfriend was telling me weren’t adding up.
Then you start reaching the smaller stuff, like, I do MMA for a reason, I LOVE to roughhouse and pick some sort of play fight. He wouldn’t. In fact, he would get upset if I tried to roughhouse with him. I kept trying to tell him I wasn’t a delicate flower and I don’t get hurt easily but he never would. Or that his sense of humor was wrapped up in Chauvinistic jokes. Whether he actually believed it or not, I can’t say I know for sure, but I was concerned that it would be a matter of time before he decided to transfer that mindset to me if that’s what he liked to joke about and then blame the army for it. He decided that I would need to do the majority of coming to see him because it was more important for him to blow his money on things he wanted to do so he couldn’t afford to come see me. But heaven forbid I didn’t have the money to see him because I have classes I need to pay for… And thus, he would get mad when I wouldn’t take off work because I was/am dead set on getting the classes paid for. He just wasn’t a happy person in general… He wasn’t happy with his life, he wasn’t happy with himself, he carried around his past and put in on a pedestal and coddled it using it to “Ok” how he handled situations and how no one was EVER going to disrespect him.
Anyway, I’m going to give that a break and say this, he was sweet to me. He was amazing, he opened all the doors for me, he paid for all of our “dates” and even when he would ask for help on something more expensive he would still usually pay for it. He had the ability to be very kind hearted and selfless, but I had gotten to the point with everything else, I couldn’t do it. He definitely showed me things to look for in a future husband, but also showed me a lot of things I thought I could handle, but can’t.
When I realized I had developed feelings for someone else, I knew something had to be done fast because I wasn’t going to be the girl who cheated. So two weeks into trying to grow a backbone and tell him I was done, I was getting my timeline out. Saturday I figured out I was done and knew I was done. I didn’t want to tell him that day because he had to work the next morning and if I told him, he wouldn’t sleep that night and then he’d be at work miserable the next day. His schedule was one day on, one day off, so he had Monday off, but between me not wanting to talk to him and him being “busy”, we really didn’t even talk Monday. He worked Tuesday which meant he had Wednesday off. However Tuesday was when I knew I was in trouble because I actually liked this other guy that I work with. So that nailed Tuesday night as the best day. He got off work at 10:30 pm and called me because I missed his phone call on his break while hanging out with this other guy at work, and he had off Wednesday, that gave him Tuesday night and Wednesday to recoup before work on Thursday.
So now that that is over, I’ve heard from him a handful of times, he wanted to tell me that he was willing to change, which was all things I heard before. And that he loved me and he was wrong. But rather than allowing that to pull me in for a 4th time, I called him out and moved on. He later called again, to let me know that even though I am essentially dating, that he and I could still make the relationship work. And he called me again later to let me know he changed his mind, that I’m too immature for a relationship, that I don’t deserve the success he’s going to achieve and that if I had worked as hard as he did for the relationship that we could have made things work. Here again, I called BS and we got off the phone. After that I finally decided I was removing all forms of contact with him. For both his sanity and mine.
I had to reason it out. I cared too much about how he felt and so it took me reasoning why it was bad for him, for me to keep holding onto him. Ultimately he wouldn’t be happy, and if he was happy that I wasn’t happy in the relationship that just brought up a whole new load of problems. I wasn’t going to wait around to figure that out. Or, with the fact that I got to the point I avoided telling people I was dating because if they were interested, I didn’t want to squash that hope, knowing that if anyone took me up on it I would either have to tell my ex or cheat on him… Well, finally someone finally took me up on it asked for my number, asked to go meet up. Luckily for me I had already determined how and when, so it all just happened simultaneously. Naturally he got mad when he found out I was already going out to dinner with a “friend” and I got the lecture about it being too soon and having no time to heal. The problem was that mentally, I was done with the relationship in February. I had come to the grips with the fact that I was done. And I’m one of those people who are kind of emotionally separated anyway. If I decide someone isn’t worth my time, I can walk away without batting an eye. Like with this, I feel bad for him, but I’m enjoying life and after I broke up with him, he was kind enough to show me just how crazy he is which only made sure I knew I made the right choice.
I have a guy momentarily who is trying really hard to be only a friend, but is failing miserably… He’s so funny, because he’s such a boy that it’s actually ridiculously cute… He’s that teenage boy that reaches up to stretch and tries to put his arm around you without you noticing… Except he does it in different ways. Like, sitting on the other side of a bench, he fidgets enough that he works his way so he’s leaned up against me or he grabs a hold of me in play and lets his head “accidentally” fall into my lap… He’s just a dork and I love that about him… He reminds me a lot of my mom’s husband which is something that intrigues me about him… and he’s a complete polar opposite of my ex. He calls me, he texts me, he picks me up from home, or picks me up from work, takes me to the lake to eat dinner… It’s not at all what I’m used to. When he sees me, he leaves his phone in the car or in another room. We can roughhouse and when I tell him he bruised me he laughs and tells me I deserved it… Which, as backwards as it may sound to people who don’t wrestle, I love it! But, he seems to be leaning towards moving away for a job. So we are just supposed to be maintaining a friend status till he decides what he wants to do.
It’s funny though because my parents dropped by his apartment for a surprise visit and he took it in stride, wasn’t expecting it, ran around his apartment “cleaning” which consisted of pushing in a chair, taking his clean laundry out of the living area and into his room, taking his pillow that was on the couch (he was sick) and putting that into his room while he muttered about his immaculate apartment being a wreck… He’s a neat freak… But he did, and afterwards we had an almost 20 minute conversation about how much he liked my parents…
Where my ex, would have lost his crap and would have been going about how dare they drop by like that and not give any warning and probably threatening to shoot them if they ever did it again.
Here’s the thing. Even if this guy does move. I will not at all regret any decisions I have made. Because he gave me needed motivation to leaving a bad relationship and he taught me that there are guys out there who have what I need. He’s also helped me see that city slickers may not be so bad after all, especially when they are willing to explore your world too… And he does, he takes an interest in my MMA and he’s trying to muster up the guts to see the horses… But he’s also the first person to tell you he’s a little Pansy and he needs to man up.
My only regret will be if he decides to move and then I will be legitimately sad. Because I have already allowed myself to get close to him and he’s down now, doing an in person interview for this company… So yeah, I’m feeling a little pouty already.
But, if he moves, I’ll get over myself pretty quick like and know that though this guy is 100 times better than my ex, there’s someone who’s going to be even better than the guy I’m liking now.
And I’m not putting all this out there to publicly bad mouth my ex… I’m putting it out there because all that crap I mentioned, I didn’t see till 7 months into the relationship and then realized there “might” be some issues… Then 10 months in I realized these things couldn’t be ignored, finally the 12th month we had two and a half breakups, each time he pulled me in saying he would change, he screwed up, he’s sorry, give him another chance, and I would allow him to drag me back in.
Don’t do it. If they want to change they will change. They won’t feed you some BS excuse like, “You had to tell me.” Or “Guys don’t take hints.” Because one thing I will say, is there’s guys who joke about not being able to take hints… But I know a few who do even though they won’t admit to it. Because I’ve seen how they treat their wife, or me, or other women. Obviously you can’t be stupid with it, any person deserves to be told, but when it’s something obvious like, your boyfriend is ignoring you and playing on their phone and you tell them that it drives you nuts when people are on their phones while someone is trying to talk to them… That’s a pretty obvious hint…
I think a second chance is fair, after being outright told there’s an issue and this is what it is. That way it gives them an opportunity to fix it, but at this point, I would like to hope that I wouldn’t allow myself to get pulled back in by some sweet talking boy who knows how to play their words.
If a guy or girl cares about you, you’ll know it. You won’t have to play this game of we’re done, I’m sorry, I love you, we’re back together. Every relationship is going to have issues yes… But it shouldn’t be every little thing causing issues, and you definitely should never feel like you aren’t a priority… when friends, or hunting, or fishing, or a flipping phone takes priority over you, there’s a problem.
So, now that I’ve written y’all a 4 page book, I’m going to see if I can go through here and cut some things out to make it shorter… wait… that put it at 5 pages… I got it down to 4 pages… but I cheated and made the margins smaller….
Anyway,
God Bless,
Good Luck,
Jessica

Attraction, Dating and Relationships

Desperation isn’t an attractive feature… Needy isn’t an attractive feature… I’ve maintained for a while that I would never need a man, but wanting a man would be something different. There’s a sort of insanity in this world when a man is willing to try to date woman who is allowing another man to pursue her… All because he “needs” that woman.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s sweet in its own weird way that he feels like he loves her enough to overlook it, but why torture yourself? Just on that alone, if a woman, or a man, doesn’t feel the same way about you, wouldn’t you at least owe it to yourself to find someone better? Find someone more capable of loving you the way you deserve to be loved?
Some things can be fixed when they are broken, but emotions are a tricky thing. There’s a point for some, that once their emotions are decided, that is it. You can’t force someone to love you again, and even if they are willing to try to pretend, try to fake it till you make it kind of thing, if they aren’t happy is it a healthy relationship? Is it a healthy relationship when one is content because he or she has the spouse of their dreams, but they completely overlook the fact that their spouse isn’t happy. They don’t care if their spouse loves them, so long as their spouse is theirs.
There are people that are so willing to overlook cheating because they “need” that one person. There is a difference between genuinely coming to a mending over a significant other cheating, and being willing to say you forgive them and turn a blind eye to it because you don’t want to accept that they don’t love you.
I was accused of cheating, cheating because in my mind I decided I liked someone a week before I left the relationship… cheating because I told this someone I “had,” as in previously/no more, a boyfriend because I didn’t want him to lose interest because I had a boyfriend that I decided two weeks before I was walking away from… cheating because the night I decided I liked this someone, was mere hours before I knew I couldn’t hold off any longer this conversation that needed to take place that night.
But you see, I will admit, I do believe it was a form of cheating. To tell someone you don’t have a boyfriend when you do, is wrong. But on the same note, he cheated on me not once, but on a daily basis with his phone. His phone got more attention than myself, his phone was more important than myself, his facebook, his games, his news, his emails, his news again, his game… again… and then, I got tired of it. And really, it wasn’t the only reason, but on the chance that maybe he reads this. Maybe he won’t be so quick to tell people that I cheated first…
I am strong, but strict, there is little room for error with me, and any guy is going to find that as a challenge. But that is ok. Anything worth having is worth the work right?
The funny thing is, the one whom I dated is polar opposites of the one I am getting to know.
I’m a country girl through and through, I am a tomboy that will make other tomboys look like girly girls. My previous boyfriend, was wound up tighter than stretched barbwire, cussed more than I could handle, blew up over the smallest things, his phone was his life, I couldn’t wrestle with him, but he was a big outdoors person.
The one who is currently catching my attention doesn’t curse (told me the only time he curses is during a basketball game), is probably too laid back, leaves his phone in random places because he forgets about it, and is a complete city slicker pansy boy who’s afraid of everything except dogs and cats! But I actually feel more comfortable jacking around with him and I can actually wrestle with him. Like, he left a bruise on me because he actually picks back! And despite his pansy city side, he’s trying to explore my world, he’s willing to explore my world. Which is cool to me. And, he’s come to grips with the fact that I’m going to crack jokes with him about me being manlier than him.
Anyway, point being, there’s someone out there for everyone. Take it slow, get to know them, learn your pet peeves and what you are willing to tolerate. That was something I didn’t know. I didn’t know what I was willing to tolerate. I knew what I definitely was not tolerating, but had a list of things I thought I could tolerate till I started weeding them out.
So, I went into this whole dating idea that I would have one boyfriend and one only, we dated for a year and it didn’t work, and I am honestly very much ok with that. I learned a lot though, he taught me somethings that I would definitely notice were gone and would like to see them in potential boyfriends, but he also taught me a lot on what I wasn’t able to handle. And that’s ok too.
I know for being 22 and only having had one boyfriend, it’s not a rare occurrence, but if you are determined to only ever date one person, don’t marry the person because of that. Make sure you do genuinely love them and care for them. I don’t necessarily agree with “shopping around” and dating every guy you see, but dating more than one isn’t a bad thing either…
Anyhow, I’m not sure how well this all ties together, but, I think I’ve said my part.
God Bless,
Jessica

Self-Control, Offense and Forgiveness

There’s a difference between self-control and being walked on…
I know that it can be a very fine line at times. I struggle with that line myself, because sometimes finding that line is hard. Trying to gauge whether you are being a doormat or whether you actually using self-control and being respectful.
I guess it boils down to knowing when to stand up and voice your opinion and knowing when to step back and keep your mouth shut.
Blowing your lid over everything or even over smaller details and getting excessively angry because you refuse to be walked on may only escalate the situation and make it worse. Or choosing to dwell on it and allowing it to define your actions and the way you treat people.
But, I think… I think I’m seeing a little more of the aspect on maintaining self-control. When someone can talk about multiple bad incidents, not use a curse word and not let those past problems make them mad… Or the fact that from there they don’t stereotype and assume that because of a few bad run-in’s with a group of people mean they all must be that way.
The fact that they can get picked on, or in “trouble” and they can leave and be able to brush it off their shoulders…
Honestly, there’s usually a way to handle any situation without being disrespectful, without being rude or getting angry… Yeah, it may frustrate you, even make you fume a bit, but the difference is, do you let it affect your daily life? The way you treat people? Do you let it become an excuse for poor behavior?
I get not allowing people to walk on you, but it goes back to that theory that a calm word quiets a quarrel and a harsh word stirs up wrath… When we become so worried about not allowing ourselves to be walked on, or taken advantage of, there’s a point where we become so guarded, we can manage to find anything that is potentially an issue and making it a massive problem. Especially when it isn’t your own issue but you are taking it as an offense regardless.
We are all guilty of it to some degree or another, and to a degree that’s ok. But it’s what we continue doing with those situations. We’ve all taken a situation that wasn’t our own and gotten offended by it, angry, mad, frustrated, whatever you want to call it. But it’s our choice to continue doing it, and it’s our choice to begin putting an end to it.
I have a client who always tells me that he is a logical thinker and has no emotion because emotions get people into trouble… And honestly, I whole heartedly agree… Obviously, we need emotion, but if we could rule out emotions on certain situations and use logic, quit wearing our hearts on our sleeves and letting past situations affect current feelings, we might find, it would be easier to handle the offense as it comes.
Ted Dekker likes to refer to offense as waves, or troubled waters…
“Take a leap of faith and see that these troubled waters have no power over you unless you give it to them, and even then they lie.”
“The physical power of real love is staggering, because the real forgiveness is staggering.”
“Always remember you have been given the power to forgive any offense, and in so doing, remove it from your awareness as far as the east is from the west. True Vision is his gift, allowing you to see no blame; forgiveness is your truest purpose in the life. Seventy times seven, always leaving the old self in a watery grave and rising to find no fault. That’s grace…”
“I’m here to say that you can’t make the troubled waters of life go away by defending yourself against them. You can only walk over those troubled waters if you offer peace to them and leave the safety of your boat.”
“…It’s not the water that changes. It’s what you make of the water that changes. It’s finding no offense in the water that keeps you safe, because there’s nothing to be kept safe from when you are already safe…”
“Letting go is something you do, not just talk about. Talking about forgiveness changes nothing. Doing it changes everything, not just in you, but somehow in those around you. We are not healed alone.”
“Let go of your right to take offense at all that ever threatened you and all that threatens you still. Release the fear your understanding shows you in this storm. Turn even the other cheek.”
“And why does a man get angry? Because he feels threatened or wronged. And why does he feel threatened? Because he does not believe he is safe. Why? Because he is afraid of God,” (or in my own opinion does not have the knowledge of God,) “and so cannot trust him.”

Anyway, just some thoughts to chew on for this lovely Sunday afternoon…
God Bless,
Jessica