It’s an unfailing love

 

Your love never fails
Never gives up
Never runs out on me

Lyrics to a song called One Thing Remains.

I’ve re-discovered the love God has for us. While at acquire the fire God asked me so many questions and I didn’t know how to answer them. Some of them though I know I shouldn’t have and I know it was wrong but I answered them with a simple no. Despite my rebellion and everything I was going through the last day of ATF God still loves me. He still loves me even though I have things I don’t want to give up and blatantly told Him no I wasn’t giving up some things. I think my experience with God at ATF would’ve been so much more than what I got but I find it hard to believe that God held anything back from me because He worked amazingly in me.

I was talking to Chris, a friend of mine, and he explained to me that with not giving these things up that I’d continue to live with the guilt of them, but God could still love me and forgive me, I was in a situation of I don’t want to be here I know it’s wrong but I don’t want to give it up. But since I’m trying to get rid of it God can forgive me. It took a huge relief off my shoulders.

It’s amazing to have a God who can love us So much that knowing that I’m going to be a complete and utter jerk He’s still going to send his son to die for me, for you, for all of us. All of us screw ups, all of us who’ve murdered, gotten drunk or high, for all of us who’ve denied Him, for those who feel like they are worthless and weak. He came for us.

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son so that we may not die but have eternal life..

He loves us, His love goes on and on and it never gives up no matter how far you run, how much you hide, no matter how much you resist. I’ve found that in my lows I tend to do all of those. If one doesn’t work I move to the other. I don’t understand why I do it, why I fight it so hard. But when I do it’s almost as if it challenges God and in the end He’s saying “Ha! See! I told you you couldn’t resist me!” The harder I try to get away from God it seems He meets me in my hiding places. As my friend would say, God stalks me then clobbers me when I think I’ve gotten away. God goes to the lowest of lows and the highest of highs to stay with you. You can’t get away. There is no escape, I mean seriously! God met Jonah as he say in the belly of a FISH! FOR A WEEK! So you may as well not even try…

Some times His love is ever so hard to find. I struggle with it daily. Right now I’m still hyped up from ATF and will probably stay like this for a few more days possibly a couple weeks and fall right back to wondering. I’m a physical person and it makes it really hard, I want to KNOW you are there, I want to be able to hug you or you hug me when I’m feeling low, I want to see you, feel you, I want a solid object! To me it sounds so funny because I’m so in tune with God most of the time that as I type this I’m going “Jessica, what is wrong with you.” But it’s when I hit my little lows that I get like that, if I hit rock bottom or hit my peak you can grantee  that I’m hearing from God and getting to feel His presence strongly. But it’s when I get somewhere in the middle that I start to doubt him and most of the time, I’m somewhere in the middle unfortunately. But God is so amazing that even when I end up somewhere in the middle and I’m doubting Him He always does something that causes me to come back with a passion that causes me to burn for Him.

Always remember you are more than what anyone says of you, because the only opinion that matters is God’s and if God approves likely you are doing nothing wrong so if people have a problem with you it’s their problem not yours. You were made to be the Righteousness of God, Holy, perfect, blameless. He loves you that much. So much He wants you.

This is not about what you’ve done
But what’s been done for you
This is not about where you’ve been
But where your Brokenness brings you too
This is not about what you feel
But what He felt to forgive you
And what He felt to make you loved

You are more than the choices that you’ve made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
You’ve been remade

You Are More – Tenth Avenue North

God Bless,

Jessica

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