I want to give you parents something to soak on. Especially you new parents. I’m a pretty honest person in and out. I’ve learned to recognize my faults and what I think I want and what I truly want. I know the difference between what I want and what is good for me for the most part.
That being said, if I had my way about oh, almost a year ago I guess. I didn’t care if anyone cared about me. I wanted to shut out everyone and anyone who tried to care about me. Above all else I didn’t need a dad. Didn’t want one, I’d spent my life without one I didn’t want a dad at all.
Now, I understood that the worst thing I could do was shut people out. I knew that despite my feelings I truly wanted someone to care for me so I continued to allow those of my friends who stuck with me to love me. I also knew that the only reason I didn’t want a dad was because I was hurt and I was willing to do just about anything to get a daddy. A daddy who loved me, hugged me, and cared for me. A daddy who would do the same for my momma and sisters. I would have given anything for someone to take that roll. But I was hurting and angry so what was coming out of my mouth was completely different.
So, knowing my own position and having talked to a few other teens who rebel out of hurt but deeply desire to be cared for by their parents I think I speak for a lot of teenagers when I say this.
As parents you are in tune to a child that wants physical attention. We encourage it. As a parent you love it when your baby or child falls asleep in your arms or on your chest. It’s ok it’s a good thing. But round about preteen and teenage years something happens and it is no longer a desired time and the preteen/teen is left wondering what happened. Eventually they feel separated from the parent whether it be mother or father. It is amazing how much a lack of physical touch can make you feel separated from someone you love.
When I say physical touch I mean a healthy touch. Between mother and son, or mother and daughter, father and daughter, and father and son. It isn’t meant to be perversed or sexual. You should be able to have a son lay on his mothers chest even into his teenage years and have a health relationship just as you should be able to have a daughter lay on her fathers chest well into her teenage years.
Now with all of this out for you parents and some of you may be wondering “well, they seem to be getting along just fine and they don’t seem to want me anywhere near them.” I want to ask you this are they really? Who are their friends? Do they have a boyfriend? Do they think they need a boyfriend? Why do they want a boyfriend? I ask these questions because especially for girls they are going to find someone who will give them the attention they are looking for. Unfortunately they want someone who will touch them and they end up with more than they bargain for i.e. they are pregnant. Because all they wanted was someone to love them and touch them and they got tangled up with a guy who will take advantage of that. She may think she is in a good relationship when in all reality she is being raped and she isn’t aware of it because she doesn’t understand that what she is doing isn’t the affection she is looking for. It isn’t what she wanted but because she found someone who “cares” for her she is willing to do anything for him.
I knew full well that if I didn’t watch myself and monitor the people I hung out with that I would end up in that very situation and I refused to go there. So I am very careful about the people I hang around with.
Now with all that laid out for you parents I want to say this. I can’t say much for boys because I can honestly say that I’ve talked to them enough to know that they love getting the affection from their parents but I haven’t talked to them enough to know what happens when they don’t get it. My guess would be that they would try to force their way into being loved, find the first ditzy girl that “cares” about them, or they would shut down and block out everyone. Just from watching the people around me that would be my guess. On the other hand us girls, we need that healthy physical attention from our parents especially our fathers because if we don’t get it we will find it somewhere else. It is a situation that is fairly easy to avoid and all you have to do is give your children the attention they need. Watch them see when they are silently begging for you to hold them, because most of us wont ask. If you give them the physical attention they need, you increase their ability to choose a decent boyfriend or girlfriend because they aren’t going to just choose whatever “cares” for them first. They will be able to find a partner that truly loves them.
Anyway, I hope I have given you soon to be or new parents or even some of you who are trying to raise teens a better outlook on what may be going on.