You see really even as a teen/young adult we aren’t hard to please. I have 7 things that I’ve put some thought behind that I would love for EVERY daddy to know. Whether they have an infant or a teenager, it’s all the same. We all want a daddy to love us and take care of us. I could probably list of a hundred other things that would create a better relationship however some of them are not necessary and I wanted to get the Big ones. The ones that are hugely important.
1. Compassion: Personally compassion, sympathy, and understanding go hand in hand. If you’ll be compassionate when something happens, i.e. changes, mistakes, or misunderstanding. You will go much further. Your daughter shouldn’t have to feel like she should be walking on eggshells, watching what she says or does for fear of upsetting you. She’ll be much happier and more willing to engage with you. She shouldn’t have to hide her feelings nor hide her troubles. If she’s doing that more than likely she feels like you don’t care or will get upset.
2. Watch your tone: a soft word goes MUCH further than a harsh one. You don’t have to raise your voice or get angry when something doesn’t go the way you expect it too. For those of us who don’t function well when someone is yelling at us out of frustration, it makes it really hard to follow what you are wanting us to do because our mind gets so overwhelmed and we can’t think, much less operate. Soft words will also set in much easier and will be remembered, rather than being met with a wall of steel and being forgotten.
3. Role Model: Every girl needs to have a dad to show them what they are worth. That’s where that saying of, every girls first love is their dad. If you can show them that they are beautiful, smart, worthful, and special. They won’t accept a boyfriend who would treat them less. See, if the dad doesn’t give the daughter proper attention and or treats her poorly that will be what she’ll marry. Why? Because whether she knows it or not she feels that she’s undeserving or unworthy of attention or being cherished.
4. Some of us, we need a hero. If you are a dad coming into a family or a blood related father. We want to know that you’ll protect us. We want to feel safe around you. To a point, you’re our safe haven and security. No, being a hero or even a role model doesn’t come with any fancy…. Oh, what’s the word… You don’t need any fancy qualities. You aren’t suppose to be perfect, your human so don’t try to be perfect, in fact it’s not a half bad idea to let us in or see some of the mistakes you’ve made because that will teach us that mistakes are not the end of the world. Now I will say the way you handle your mistakes will teach us how to handle our mistakes. If you know how to apologize and just keep moving forward we’re good. We’ll keep pushing through, we’ll learn to apologize and our mistakes won’t get us down.
5. Listen: that word. So easy yet, so hard. We want to be heard. If we have a problem or something to say on a particular conversation give us a chance to express ourselves and have our opinions. We aren’t robots, you can’t program us to think or feel a certain way. No, maybe you don’t agree with it but, our opinions are just as valuable as yours, yes? Think about it, if she says something you don’t agree with and you shut her down whatever her opinion was will not be exposed. Yes, you could shut down a potentially heated conversation, or you could shut her down only to never know that what she was going to say actually would have made you laugh.
6. Talk: I know, you men, you all have this communication problem where you forget that if you properly use your tongue, teeth, and lips you really can form words…. Anyway, sorry… Hold a conversation with us. If you are a dad stepping into a family starting a conversation with her is probably one of the best things you can do for her. In my experience I have a problem simply saying a few words to a man. Because I was always blown off by my mom’s ex. It makes speaking to a man kind of awkward for me. I don’t know what to say, if I do try to start a conversation with a man usually it’s so small that it goes unnoticed if they aren’t in an overly talkative mood. However, I’m not a real talkative person so if it makes you feel better when I try to start a conversation with my mama she some times over looks it. Also, I’ve been raised up to be sensitive to what other people are dealing with and me, I’m one of those teens that if something’s troubling you I don’t mind you talking about it. I’ve been through 18 years of crap and I’ve grown up to be a fairly wise person in a few areas. I don’t mind offering the advice or letting you vent if need be.
7. Touch: this is a thin, thin, line here. Hugs, kisses, and touch except those few special places. Ya know, those places that you’d want to shoot any other boy that even thought about touching those places… Healthy touch, the touch that lets her know you care about her and notice her. The hugs that embrace her and tell her everything’s alright at the end of the day, and the pecks on the cheek or forehead that say I love you. No, real quick, that is not an excuse to not tell your daughter you love her, that is something she needs to hear. But simple things like grabbing her shoulder on your way by will brighten her face and make her day ten times better.
As a Father you are one of the most important people in your daughters life. You are so, so, important and loved. Oh, the love of an inspired daughter is endless. If you can help her maintain a good relationship you’ve got her for life.