Alright, I started this several months ago and never finished it. Originally I hadn’t intended for it to be anywhere but in a folder however once again someone prayed over me and it hit me that those papers NEEDED to be on my wall. I waited for another month or two because I couldn’t put those papers on my wall because they weren’t me. I wasn’t loved, I wasn’t accepted, and who was I to think God could forgive me, and by the way I’m depressed and a manic depressive and maybe bi-polar that doesn’t exactly scream I’ve overcome. So this was the fight and with each paper, I was reluctant and unnerved at my insanity for thinking these should go on my wall. In fact to begin with I was slightly ashamed when people would come into my room and see them and it got worse when people asked about them. I would give them the briefest reason as possible and change subjects before they could think to ask another question. But as time has gone on I have grown more and more fond of them, they don’t hurt as much as they use to, in fact I proudly added two more tonight. At this point I have a funny feeling it will never be truly finished. You see, I’ve always struggled with acceptance, love, forgiveness, my self image has always been fairly poor no matter what I said or let on to.
Anyway I got the wild hair to do this one day so that whenever I became depressed or what have you I could look at my wall and see past whatever lies I believed about myself. This became a very interesting job because as I was writing these out I began to wonder what I could do to give them more meaning and not just have a bunch of paper with positive thoughts sketched onto them with a pencil.
The first one I wrote was “I am loved” I then realized that when someone loves another person they usually get them a red rose (if they get flowers of course)… There came the first idea. Can I put a flower with each of these truths? Each truth is colored so the meaning matches the flower that it closes relates to.
I am loved, is outlined in red and filled in with purple because a red rose is a passionate love and a lilac is a first love. I’m just saying but we were first loved, PASSIONATELY by God.
I am not forgotten, that is outlined in yellow and filled in with blue because there are flowers called Forget-Me-Nots that are yellow and blue.
Each color has a specific meaning that coordinates with whatever is written on the paper. To be honest I was quite proud of myself for actually having the capability of coming up with it on my own for the most part. Some of them I even dug up scriptures for and added those to the paper. So in case you can’t read them, I am going to list them off.
I have a purpose ~ Romans 8:28
I am worth it and forgiven ~ Psalms 32:5
Keep eyes wide open
I have overcome, I am not a victim ~ John 16:33
I am successful
I am not a disappointment or a failure or a screw up
I am loved ~ Romans 5:8
I am not forgotten
I am accepted ~ Romans 15:7
I am beautiful inside and out ~ Psalms 139:14
I am outlaw and water walker
I am the righteousness of God ~ 2 Corinthians 5:21
These are all things I struggle with on a regular basis. Outlaw, Eyes Wide Open, and Water Walker originated from Ted Dekker books called…. Outlaw, Eyes Wide Open, and Water Walker… Go figure. They were books that changed my perspective to life and had a deep impact on my life. As Outlaws we are not suppose to allow the world to affect us. We should be so deeply buried in God that we are walking in His light, spreading His love and forgiveness everywhere we go. As Water Walkers we are suppose to look past our circumstances and see the reality which is not what we are going through but simply what I have written above… Even when you don’t feel loved, reality is you are loved. We have to see the reality so that we can forgive and help others see reality too. For Eyes Wide Open, it is a matter of not closing everything out. See what God is doing around you. See the truth about yourself instead of the lies. Don’t get that tunnel vision like I had thinking that you are worthless. Because the truth that you must open your eyes to is that you are So much more.
So yes. If you can believe what is written about you in the bible and begin to live by it. You will be set and ready to go. Everything that is written here doesn’t only apply to me but it is applicable to anybody. If you can believe it, it will change your life.