Fear Paralysis

I think it’s great how people think I have my life together, people think I know exactly what I’m doing and how and when and why. I just want to say. It only looks that way apparently, because reality is I’m a wave tossed by the wind. One moment I’m over here loving this, the next I’m over there completely dousing myself with my new interest allowing the old ones to fall to the way side. Things I want to do with my life include, creative writing, music, sports therapy, possibly becoming a certified yoga instructor, art, and I’d even be ecstatic to go in as a nutritionist and I truly never want to quit barefoot trimming. But you see, all these things cost time and money I don’t have and so for my friends who think I have it figured out. Yes, I will always have something to fall back on however, when you are talking about several months of schooling, several thousands of dollars, months of payments to get everything paid off. And for someone who is deathly terrified of deadlines…. payments and homework…. It is a very, very, very…. Scary decision. When someone tells you that if you take the day classes at a school you want to attend, you’ll have to “be prepared to cram work, because they load you.” Is down right terrifying. Some days I simply feel paralyzed by the choice, if I make the wrong choice and I just can’t do it, I can’t pass my classes. I’m either stuck in classes I am failing miserably and no longer enjoy, or I drop out and lose a chunk of money that could have gone elsewhere. I think my biggest fear is that right now these are all things I LOVE, I have a passion for them. What will happen when I am being forced to do them? When they are stressing me to my wits end? My fear is that I will no longer love them, I will hate them, and will be stuck at square one. Needing to find a new job. Having all these certifications and licenses, but working under someone because I can’t stand anything that I went to school for. But you see, I called the school I’m looking to attend and got my enrollment information. Though their spring classes are not yet scheduled I know how much money I need to set aside and how much my payments will be. Now, I will be working on feeding the money that will be set aside for classes this spring so that I can pay a larger chunk of the schools tuition. I will do this, and that is what I have to keep telling myself. I will do this, I will love it, yes, it may get frustrating and difficult however, I love helping people, I love studying the human body mechanics and learning about how the way we move and the food we eat effects our body, so I will get through it and come out on top. Over the course of the last year, my dream has been to be the therapist that designs a new, more efficient way of healing Tensor Fascia Lata injuries, rather than dealing with the excruciating pain. Anywhere from 8-20 months, is the approximant healing time for a TFL injury that is being treated properly, and I’ve been there, it sucks miserably. You can’t move properly because it begins to cause paralysis in your legs and lower back, when you realize you can’t lay on the floor without having someone lift you up. I remember calling my chiropractor in a panic because I was home alone and I had laid on the floor to stretch and I couldn’t get up with out pain causing me to collapse back to the ground. My TFL injury was what caused me to dive headfirst in the world of sports therapy. Anyway, so yes, here I am. The girl who has it not so much together. My only word of advice, don’t allow your fear to paralyze you, hold you back, or stop you. Look at it as someone who knows you will do great things trying to keep you from becoming better than they are. You can’t let that one person stop you, because you were meant to do great things. You shouldn’t fear that… I am lucky, I’m surrounded by people who are fully supportive. I have a whole chiropractors office on standby if I need help with my school, one of the therapists there has been my prep talk coach for nearly two years now always telling me I will excel at sports therapy. Always telling me, when I feel like I can’t do something, that I can. I can do it if I focus on it. And to be honest, I think he is the biggest reason I am pushing for these classes this spring. Because we had a talk when I was in there this last week and he told me, when I felt like I wouldn’t be able to do it, that I could. And then there’s my mom who just wants me to do something I love and is willing to stand by me no matter which direction I choose even if it is not horse related. However I think she has hopes now that maybe if I do sports therapy on people maybe I will start working on her horses….. If you don’t have anyone who is encouraging you. You do now. My advice, is find something you love, take lots of prep talk pills because those are your “immune boosters” if you will, so you don’t come down with Fear Paralysis Syndrome… Which I’m not sure is a thing, but it is in my world so that’s all that matters. But just do it. Stop coming up with excuses, I understand money may be tight, but start saving, start looking into what you need to do to make payments, find shortcuts, something to move you forward! No more I can’ts, no more “No one is interested in helping me,” no more what if’s, If you never do it you will never know. I will never know. Don’t worry, I’m talking to myself here as well. If it doesn’t work, well, re-improvise. It may be inconvenient, you’ll find something. If you can, try to intern with someone on the job field you want. I had an awesome Chiropractor who taught me to Dry Needle (NOT that I’m allowed to use it ever (-_-)…. But I also got to assist with the treatments he needed an extra set of hands with. If you are honest about your love for what you want to learn, a lot of people are surprisingly willing to teach and help you go where you need to be. Keep in mind, just because one person says no, doesn’t mean everyone will say no and if everyone in your reach does say no, well, that’s where self learning comes in, learn as much about the job as you can. Hopefully that will get you were you want to be as far as knowing it you really want to work in that field.

God Bless,

Good Luck,

Jessica