Blind Love

It amazes me how many young ladies and young men will look at you and say “Oh, they’ll change after we get married.” Or “That won’t happen.”

Well, I’m here to ask, what if they don’t change? What if that does happen? Then what?

You want kids, she doesn’t? “Oh, she’ll understand eventually” or “He’ll see after a little while.”

Mom’s trying to control the relationship and he/she won’t stand up to her to protect the relationship, “Oh, his/her mom will leave it alone once we are married.” Or “He’ll stand up to her after we are married.”

He/she gets a job in the military or any other public safety job such as police officer, firefighter, etc.  and has the possibility (not saying everyone is like this) of changing because those jobs have a habit of creating complete…. Jerks… egocentric, hero complexed people, and I hear, “They won’t change.”

I’ve seen girls who have stayed with boys who continue looking at other young women and they say, “He’ll stop that when we are married.”

Different religions, “God will change him/her. They’ll see it one day and change.”

Drug addicts and alcoholics, “God will change them.” Or “If he/she really loves me they’ll stop.”

I’m not here to say that if you encounter these problems you shouldn’t get married, what I’m saying is, it’s time we put our heads on straight and look at the situation with a new perspective. WHAT IF THEY DON’T CHANGE?

Us girls are always told to watch how young men treat their mothers because that is how they will treat us. It seems these young men are one extreme or the other, they are either under their mothers thumb, or don’t give a dang about her at all.

A note to the mothers out there who use any form of manipulation on your sons, please stop. You are turning perfectly fine young men into suckling infants. That may be harsh, but I’m getting tired of all these boys that have no backbone, no concept of standing up for themselves or the girl they want to or have married. It makes it really hard to find a decent young man.

A note to the young men, you are a young man! No, don’t go off halfcocked, don’t be unreasonable. But stand up for yourself! Stand up for your female friends/girlfriends! There comes a point at which you can’t let your parents walk all over you or your girlfriend/fiancé/wife. There is no problem with you having a good relationship with your parents, the problem comes in when you are afraid to stand up for yourself and you are allowing your parents to use you as a doormat, or you are expecting your girlfriend/fiancé/wife to be a doormat.

So in all seriousness, to you young people out there, if you marry a man or woman who can’t stand up to their parents, you will inevitably be marrying their parents. Then you will eventually be wondering why it is they aren’t standing up for you. The girls especially will want to know why the man that is supposed to protect them isn’t standing up for their relationship. It will create a very unhappy marriage, possibly ending in divorce.

I don’t say this to detour the marriage or try to scare you, instead it is a strong word of caution. Because there are many young men who are truly wonderful but they lack the ability to stand up for themselves or their girlfriends when it comes to their parents. I say if it’s a parent issue, by all means, marry him/her, BUT make sure to get those issues ironed out before you get married. The husband and wife should have a game plan on how to handle it that does not include, simply ignoring it.

They should also have an idea of how they are going to handle different situations, such as having children, and religion and the sort. Because even if they are small problems now that you are hoping will change or have a possibility of becoming a problem in the future, it should be discussed before marriage.

Some of you may ask, “What makes you think you know anything?” My only answer to that is simply this.

I have seen it in so many marriages, so many relationships… It’s a lesson I have learned by the mistakes of others. I have had a mother who has raised me to be dependent on no one, and so I don’t NEED a boyfriend, it is not a priority. If I meet a man who I care about deeply, great, so be it. But I hope I never become so blinded by love that my mother never has to use those frying pans I have told her she was allowed to hit me with. Because if she has to get out those frying pans, I’ve got a whole list of other people that I told could hit me upside the head with a frying pan if I ever stayed in an unhealthy relationship, or allowed a healthy relationship to be destroyed because I/we didn’t take the necessary steps.

I hope this wasn’t too terribly harsh, but does get my point across.

Mothers: Raise trustworthy, independent, young men who are self-thinkers and have a backbone. Also, your daughter looks to you to know how a man should be treated, honestly, your sons do too. But we look to you for that knowledge of respecting a man, and loving him.

Fathers: Be a daddy to your young girls and a daddy to your boys. You are our picture of how a man should treat us, and if you treat us like crap that’s what we are likely to marry. And your boys look to you as their hero, they want to grow up to be like you, if you treat their sisters or their mother with disrespect, that is how they will grow up treating young ladies. Trust me, I grew up with a crummy father, and thankfully mom has raised me well enough and I’ve had some fairly decent mentors in my life I know how I should be treated, but don’t think for one second that it doesn’t pain me when the thought of “I’m not good enough to be treated this way.” Crosses my mind.

Young men: Give your girl a reason to trust you. Your job is to care for her and protect her, that includes from your parents (bonus points if you stand up to her parents). Don’t let her doubt your love for her. Make sure you cover any and all topics before you marry her, so that you both know the ins and outs and what is going to drive you batty for the rest of your life.

Young women: Don’t give your man a reason to distrust you. You are his support, if he’s having to deal with his parents it’s going to be hard on him if he is one of those men who WANT a good relationship with his family. The same goes for us, cover all aspects of the relationship, if you don’t want kids, make sure that is made abundantly clear. If you have goals, make them known. Learn as much as you can so you know what you will be dealing with after marriage.

Young couples: Don’t go into the relationship thinking this or that will change, go into the relationship thinking about if you can’t change ANYTHING not even your situation with parents, is that something you would be ok with for the rest of your life?

Alright, I’m done now.

God Bless,

Good Luck to you all,

Jessica

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4 Things Every Instructor Should Know

Teachers, coaches, trainers, instructors, or whatever else you may consider yourself please listen up.

The thing I appreciate most is when an instructor remembers where they came from. It gives them the ability to create the most fantastic learning environment, it gives them an ounce of compassion for those of us that can’t afford to pay $100, an arm, a leg, a firstborn child, and a soul to the devil, just for a one hour block of instruction.

As a self-employed Natural Hoof Care Practitioner, trainer, and fellow horsewoman, I do understand we can’t just give our work away for free. But here’s the thing, a lot of people have big fancy barns, and big fancy arenas, and lots of land with a handful of pretty ponies, but somehow, they can’t afford to give a person here and there a break when they are looking to better themselves.

We shut down the dreams of so many young people when we don’t give them the opportunity to learn! I know this from experience, I’m 20 years old, have always wanted a future with horses, but can’t afford to be taught. So instead, I’m dropping it and going to learn Sports therapy. Will I always have horses? Sure, I hope so. But I won’t be able to work them for a living because “Frustration begins where knowledge ends” and it’s one of those things if no one is willing to help me out, I’m pretty much at a mental block because I’m not going to damage the horse or myself to try to teach myself.

People get so caught up in their work because they either never had a problem of struggling to learn what they love, or they get so caught up in “Oh look at me” that they forget where they came from and no longer have compassion on those of us who have undying passions but no funds to learn it.

So in return, what we get, is a dead end and we eventually just give up. Because we spend years searching for some one to help us and we can’t find anyone. I would love horses so much more if I only knew how to communicate with them better. I allow for things to get in my way of my time with horses because I am bored with my same old routines, and I can’t progress because I don’t have the money… I know I’m not the only person out there with that problem, and what is sad to me is there are people like me who are willing to work our tail of for that time with a coach and still no one is interested.

Now the other thing is, I found a horsemanship clinic this last weekend and determined nothing was stopping me from going. So I went, and I met this AMAZING horseman name Mike Guerini out of California. Let me just tell you, he made our group feel like one big family, or close-knit group of friends. No one was made to feel stupid, but we still got to make a little (good) fun of each other. I generally don’t ask questions with trainers because I’m afraid of being talked down to and yelled at (had a few of those trainers) and with Mike, he was just fantastic because I could ask questions I felt were stupid and he answered them with good humor and kind words, as well as a gentle tone. I think that’s where most trainers hit a wall, they aren’t upset with their students, but they are perceived to be upset because of their tone. But I also know there are a lot of trainers that once again, forget where they came from, and they can’t wrap their minds around why you don’t just get it. I can’t even begin to express how happy I was that I could ask questions I’ve been wanting to ask for a while now.

He was even nice enough to take time out for his students to help us one on one. With me, he instructed me from the ground and when I didn’t get it he helped Sontari while I gave the cues, when that didn’t work he finally got on a SHOWED me in detail explaining each individual step and showing me what it looked like done correctly and what I was doing and even let me feel the pressure he was putting on the reins when I asked him about it.

So if there is anything I could get us who are responsible for teaching others to remember is this:

1. Remember where you came from

2. Don’t give students a reason to not ask questions (no matter how stupid they may seem)

3. Be understanding

4. Never think you are so good that you quit trying to learn

I think we could benefit a lot more and become much more successful in what we do. We will have much happier clients and a much better reputation when remember those four things. If you think about how happy you could make one or two people just by helping them out imagine how many people they would start telling in their overflowing joy of getting to learn, about how pleased they were with your kindness and amazing people skills. How many people they could get to come to you and be paying customers all because you helped that person.

It goes back to a story I read awhile ago.

“There was a young boy gathering starfish that had washed ashore from the high tide. He’d pick them up by the arm full and put them back into the sea. A man saw him gathering the starfish and he says ‘You know you aren’t even going to get half of these starfish into the sea before they die right?” The little boy nods as he releases another arm full into the water and the man replies, ‘So why bother?’  The little boy gently scoops up a starfish and holds it out to the man, ‘Because sir, it matters to this one.’ Then he proceeded to gathering more starfish.”

 

You can’t help everyone, not just because there are too many to help but also because it is your livelihood and you need to make money to keep it going. But it doesn’t hurt to help a few. Make a change for someone.

Happy Learning or Teaching,

Jessica

Your Life Goals are Important too…

Yes! I’m writing again! Despite my busy life at the moment I’ve got a lot on my mind! I do have to take a moment and brag on my mustang though because seriously, she’s doing amazing!!! Took her over ground poles and weaving patterns and she did beautiful! She’s really trying, I am so proud of her!

Ok, I’m done with that…

Now to the real stuff… Dreams. Dreams, passions, life goals… We all have them in some form or another, for some it’s building a family, for other’s it’s a career, for others it’s both, and for others it’s just making life enjoyable.

I’ve pretty much got my life mapped out. Do things change, yes. But I have a good idea of what I do and don’t want to do in life. Those that know me well, know that I don’t foresee kids in my future simply because they are germy, dirty, whiny, snotty (both personality and physically), high maintenance, money sucking, time sucking, energy draining little beasts… And I just don’t want to deal with it. I don’t like kids… And for those of you who are reading this going, “Well, you were a kid once.” Yes. But I didn’t have to deal with me. And for the others that are going “It’s a good thing your parents didn’t feel that way about you.” Yes, I’m glad I have a mother who loved/loves me.

Along with that I really want to focus on becoming a sports therapist, I want to be one of the good ones that people are asking for me to travel with them. I want to travel and see the world! I want to go places. However, I also want to work with horses and train mustangs and compete in the mustang makeovers… This is my life and I want to live it how I want, without interference from small life suckers…

Anyway, I’ve been feeling.. pressured? Maybe? Maybe just agitated, I’m not sure… But it feels like people want me to have kids and I just don’t want to! I don’t honestly know that I ever will. And I’ve made the comment that I’m taking our equine dentist with me to fight the courts so I can get my tubes tied at 20 something so I won’t have to worry about it (my equine dentist had to take her hospital to court so she could get her tubes tied at 21 and won). Because one day I would like to find a man to marry and with marriage comes intimacy and I don’t want any accidents.

And here comes the pressure, the question gets asked, “So, you don’t care what your future husband may want? It’s your way or no way?” My answer…. Yeah, pretty much. Because I don’t want a man to marry me thinking he will have his own flesh and blood children. Because that will play out in a few different ways.

1. I will have a child and be completely miserable. Which will cause for a crummy marriage due to postpartum depression and going crazy because I’m tired of the fussy child that has to eat every few hours. SO! Ultimately ending in divorce, with a child in the mix, who may or may not feel wanted and loved simply because I got angry and slipped up that the whole mess was his fault because I didn’t want the kid anyway, OR because he would slip up and say that I never even wanted the kid… And I just couldn’t see putting any precious soul through that mess.
2. I wouldn’t have a child and the husband would get mad because he thought that I would eventually change my mind and I didn’t. He’d get mad, I’d get mad, ending once again in divorce because he wants a kid and I don’t and I just don’t see the point in going through that.

So with all that being said, dreams and life goals are extremely important to consider, especially when thinking about dragging kids into it. I remember sitting in the living room and hearing my dad in the garage say, “Well, You wanted her so she’s yours! I just want my life back!” That breaks the heart of a young child. And on top of that, I don’t know if mom knows how much I listened to, but I would spend quite some time sitting by the garage door because I apparently felt the need to torcher myself and listen to the arguments that went on between my mom and dad about me… But that’s what kids do. Heck, that’s what people do. They eaves drop and hear stuff that has the potential to shatter them.

Honestly, my overall life dream is to find a husband who is willing to accept that I don’t want a big family, I don’t want kids of my own. Accept the fact that I want to adopt a few older children eventually. Ride horses with me, go camping, maybe run a few marathons with me, go shooting (bow or firearm), and just have fun and enjoy life. Oh, and be the spiritual head of the house. I know it’s a lot to ask, and honestly, if he doesn’t want to run marathons I’d be ok with that, if he doesn’t want to ride horses, well, I might be able to work around that… But it sure would be nice to have someone who enjoys doing what I do, and I enjoy doing what he does. Surely there has to be SOMEONE out there…

Anyway, when getting into a relationship make sure you have your goals and dreams established because even if it doesn’t involve kids and you want to do one thing over here and the other wants to do something WAAAAAY over there and there’s no connection of things you both like, the relationship will likely end badly because one’s doing one thing while the other does another and y’all don’t ever share similar interests…

It’s not bad to have different interests, everyone is their own unique person and that’s GREAT! You all are brilliant in your own unique way, your personality, your hobbies, your way of thinking, it’s unique to every person, no matter how hard some may try to deny it because they want to be like someone else or be someone else for someone they love. But here’s how this works, if someone loves you they will want you to be happy, they will want you to be you and if that means letting you go to someone else so that person can give you what you want, great! Or, in the case you find someone who is willing to embrace it and enjoy it with you, all the better!

Sometimes letting go of someone is the best thing you can do to ensure happiness for both of you. Because ending up in a committed relationship where neither of you are happy isn’t going to work. Where if you both go your separate ways you both have a chance of finding someone who will help you pursue your dreams and will want what you want. And there’s nothing wrong with remaining friends, but those dreams and your happiness are important.

Keep on dreaming,

God Bless,

Jessica

Boundaries

If there’s anything I’ve learned over the past year and past several years actually, it’s that when it comes to relationships whether it’s a parent child relationship, or a couple’s relationship, or a friendship, it really is all about the boundaries.

You can’t let your boundaries slip. You have to stick to your boundaries no matter what is going on. Because even though you look at the situation and go, “Huh, I can allow this for the time being until this happens.” No… It doesn’t work like that. If you allow it to slip for any period of time people will expect you to continue making that exception for them no matter how many times they may have said they don’t expect you to make that exception. Reality is when you get spoiled it’s hard to revert.

I fight with it when I get sick, it isn’t that I don’t feel good enough to work, it’s that you get that two or three days where the family kicks in to take care of the hard work and then you just don’t want to work… You want everyone to just keep doing what they’re doing. When reality is that just can’t happen. Life doesn’t work like that. And when you’re dealing with a relationship of any sort it is way harder because you have two or more people you have to take into consideration how they are going to feel and react to a change.

Granted, allowing those boundaries to slip a little might feel really good at the moment. For a couple of months even, but in the long run it will pay off. They won’t be able to try to run you over because they don’t respect you… It’s kind of like a horse. If you allow them to come into your personal space repeatedly without reprimand, they will run you over and when you do go to reprimand them you run the risk of getting kicked or bit or plowed to the ground shoot, maybe even all three if they really don’t like you. Horses are the best at teaching boundaries, at least in my opinion. Now, for people like me the boundaries lesson doesn’t really flow over to people very well unless I get fed up with it enough that I just won’t take it anymore. I don’t really have a healthy way of dealing with that stuff, it’s generally one extreme or the other. I’ve found that I suck at dealing with people because I let them run right over me way too often. In fact, I get in trouble with one of my mentors for allowing my clients to run me over. It’s kind of sad..

Boundaries really are important in every aspect of life, with work, children, animals, friends, partners, spouses… It’s even important in every area of life, because as a wife, you have boundaries on how your husband should treat you and it goes for the same with husbands and the same for the guy and girl in a partnership. As a parent you have boundaries on how your child should act, as friends, how your friend should treat you.. How your co-workers should treat you.

And by golly! In boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, physical contact is a BIG boundary that SHOULD BE RESPECTED. Under no circumstances should this boundary be allowed to budge. If someone isn’t patient enough wait for physical contact then maybe they aren’t the right person for you. You deserve someone who respects you.

There, I feel that I have said my piece now.

Remember, boundaries are often negated, people may tell you that you are being paranoid or overly sensitive, or that boundaries aren’t important. Don’t worry about them. Actually, ask them if you can punch them in the face, when they say no, ask them why, when they tell you that it’s because it would hurt and they don’t want their face damaged because it’s important, just tell them that you don’t want to get hurt emotionally and that your boundaries are just as important, if not more important than their face… Ok… that might be a little extreme, and you might have to improvise if they don’t respond right.. BUT I think I like it!

Anyway, I’m done now.

God Bless,

Jessica

P.S. PLEASE don’t punch anyone! It’s just a joke! Sort of… No matter how much they might deserve being punched… Well.. if they are actually physically harassing you, then it’s ok to punch them. But if there’s another way around it (shooting isn’t nice either) then let’s take a less violent approach of dealing with it… Unless someone’s actually assaulting you and putting yourself and/or others in danger.. Then I’m pretty sure it’s ok to shoot them. Or punch them… Or beat them with a flip flop… or a Twizzler (my mom’s weapon of choice when I harass her). ALRIGHTY I’m going to stop now before I get myself into trouble lol. Seriously though, be safe, keep your boundaries strong, and have fun!

Living Without Regret

Alright, two things..

One! I find if funny how being young and determined motivates people. I’m 20 and I want to learn, I am looking for any possible way to learn and actually get taught, not just going through books or articles or videos. I want hands on instruction. I’ve come across this guy who tells me that he’s impressed with the fact that I can’t afford to be taught, to receive lessons, so I’m going my own route to find ways of being able to afford it. Like he says, “working horses for a living consists of a lot of bargaining and trading.” But as long as everyone’s happy in the end it’s all good. So! Lesson for the day, if you want to learn and you want to make something of yourself, make your passion great and your desire to learn unending. Be determined, be persistent. Always be respectful, but be tenacious. One day you’ll come across someone who will admire it and be willing to help. Always ask, even the stupid questions, what’s the worst they are going to say? No? 4 years ago I asked a guy in Arizona to come and do a clinic for me. Mom said he wouldn’t. I was 16 at that point being told “You can ask, but he’s not going to come to Texas.” My response “I’ll ask, what’s the worst he’s going to say? That I’m crazy and he won’t do it?” Well.. A few months later, I was doing a clinic with a trainer of Arizona..

Two! On a more serious topic. We all have things we enjoy. Me, I’m active, and though I do enjoy life and have the built in desire to live, I do tend to live on the more dangerous side working with horses and all. Working with horses, running (despite bad cardio and mild asthma issues), been tossing around the idea of working with a local big cat rescue so I can work with all the giant kitties, I would like to one day get involved in mounted search and rescue with my mom, as well as get involved with teaching the protection dogs.

And you know, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not as dangerous as being in the military, or being an officer, or a fireman. Or at least, I don’t think it is.. Anyway, point is, everything we do in life involves some sort of risk, some sort of injury even if it’s just minor. Sitting at a desk, you can end up with neck problems, shoulder problems, back problems… walking down the street, I came across someone who stepped off a curb funny and blew her ACL… Any type of contact sport, soccer, basketball, football… Or even ice skating and dancing.. There is the possibility of danger in anything we do and we can live in a constant state of worry waiting for the worst, or we can live life and be happy!

Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.

The 10th Doctor.

I’d rather live a short life that I don’t regret. Than a long life full of “I wish…” Yes, I love my family and friends and it would suck if I died. But, at least they know and I know that I lived a life worth living. Obviously we take precautions and do what we need to do but accidents happen. And you know, the other thing is, there’s other things that could happen, especially with riding horses, but that’s were you improvise. I know it’s easier said than done, but the risk of ending up completely paralyzed usually isn’t likely.

People could argue with my philosophy all day long, and do argue it. But no one will convince me that I shouldn’t do something I love because it could hurt me. That’s where I would tell them that between doing what I can to assure my safety and my chiropractor, I’ve got it. In the mean time, I want to be someone even if that someone is only a someone in my mind, I don’t want to look back on my life wishing I did more.

So my friends, be happy, do what you love. If you do what you love and you take the time to learn it and get good at it, you won’t regret it. Don’t live in a constant state of fear because simply getting out of bed in the morning can put you in just as much risk as any job or hobby. Seriously take a look at this:

Nearly 1.3 million people die in road crashes each year, on average 3,287 deaths a day. An additional 20-50 million are injured or disabled. More than half of all road traffic deaths occur among young adults ages 15-44

ASIRT

Out of 50 sum MILLION people that are involved in car crashes. We’re going to worry over working with a horse, or rock climbing, or mountain biking, or working with big cats. I’m not saying I never worry about doing something, shoot, I have a mustang that is insistent on throwing me when I get on her and I know what I good fall can do to a person. So yes, riding her does scare me but, I get on her anyway because the only way to better myself and her is to put myself at risk. Unfortunately that’s just part of my job, part of my passion, therefore, part of my life. Now, after nearly 2 years of being thrown off and on and an additional year of debating whether I should rehome her or try again, the following year I got a chiropractor after her who explained to me her back and shoulders were out and then I got someone to help me work with her and got me started. I think I’ve ridden her more in the last two months than I have in the last 4 years that I’ve had her. Granted we are still working on getting her out of the habit of bucking. But I haven’t ended up on the ground as of yet. So far, I’m glad I have stuck with her. It’s a great learning experience for both of us.

At this point I feel like I’m rambling and not really getting the point I’m trying to make. So I’m just going to be done now.

For now let’s worry a little less and enjoy life a little more,

God Bless,

Jessica