Yes! I’m writing again! Despite my busy life at the moment I’ve got a lot on my mind! I do have to take a moment and brag on my mustang though because seriously, she’s doing amazing!!! Took her over ground poles and weaving patterns and she did beautiful! She’s really trying, I am so proud of her!
Ok, I’m done with that…
Now to the real stuff… Dreams. Dreams, passions, life goals… We all have them in some form or another, for some it’s building a family, for other’s it’s a career, for others it’s both, and for others it’s just making life enjoyable.
I’ve pretty much got my life mapped out. Do things change, yes. But I have a good idea of what I do and don’t want to do in life. Those that know me well, know that I don’t foresee kids in my future simply because they are germy, dirty, whiny, snotty (both personality and physically), high maintenance, money sucking, time sucking, energy draining little beasts… And I just don’t want to deal with it. I don’t like kids… And for those of you who are reading this going, “Well, you were a kid once.” Yes. But I didn’t have to deal with me. And for the others that are going “It’s a good thing your parents didn’t feel that way about you.” Yes, I’m glad I have a mother who loved/loves me.
Along with that I really want to focus on becoming a sports therapist, I want to be one of the good ones that people are asking for me to travel with them. I want to travel and see the world! I want to go places. However, I also want to work with horses and train mustangs and compete in the mustang makeovers… This is my life and I want to live it how I want, without interference from small life suckers…
Anyway, I’ve been feeling.. pressured? Maybe? Maybe just agitated, I’m not sure… But it feels like people want me to have kids and I just don’t want to! I don’t honestly know that I ever will. And I’ve made the comment that I’m taking our equine dentist with me to fight the courts so I can get my tubes tied at 20 something so I won’t have to worry about it (my equine dentist had to take her hospital to court so she could get her tubes tied at 21 and won). Because one day I would like to find a man to marry and with marriage comes intimacy and I don’t want any accidents.
And here comes the pressure, the question gets asked, “So, you don’t care what your future husband may want? It’s your way or no way?” My answer…. Yeah, pretty much. Because I don’t want a man to marry me thinking he will have his own flesh and blood children. Because that will play out in a few different ways.
- I will have a child and be completely miserable. Which will cause for a crummy marriage due to postpartum depression and going crazy because I’m tired of the fussy child that has to eat every few hours. SO! Ultimately ending in divorce, with a child in the mix, who may or may not feel wanted and loved simply because I got angry and slipped up that the whole mess was his fault because I didn’t want the kid anyway, OR because he would slip up and say that I never even wanted the kid… And I just couldn’t see putting any precious soul through that mess.
- I wouldn’t have a child and the husband would get mad because he thought that I would eventually change my mind and I didn’t. He’d get mad, I’d get mad, ending once again in divorce because he wants a kid and I don’t and I just don’t see the point in going through that.
So with all that being said, dreams and life goals are extremely important to consider, especially when thinking about dragging kids into it. I remember sitting in the living room and hearing my dad in the garage say, “Well, You wanted her so she’s yours! I just want my life back!” That breaks the heart of a young child. And on top of that, I don’t know if mom knows how much I listened to, but I would spend quite some time sitting by the garage door because I apparently felt the need to torcher myself and listen to the arguments that went on between my mom and dad about me… But that’s what kids do. Heck, that’s what people do. They eaves drop and hear stuff that has the potential to shatter them.
Honestly, my overall life dream is to find a husband who is willing to accept that I don’t want a big family, I don’t want kids of my own. Accept the fact that I want to adopt a few older children eventually. Ride horses with me, go camping, maybe run a few marathons with me, go shooting (bow or firearm), and just have fun and enjoy life. Oh, and be the spiritual head of the house. I know it’s a lot to ask, and honestly, if he doesn’t want to run marathons I’d be ok with that, if he doesn’t want to ride horses, well, I might be able to work around that… But it sure would be nice to have someone who enjoys doing what I do, and I enjoy doing what he does. Surely there has to be SOMEONE out there…
Anyway, when getting into a relationship make sure you have your goals and dreams established because even if it doesn’t involve kids and you want to do one thing over here and the other wants to do something WAAAAAY over there and there’s no connection of things you both like, the relationship will likely end badly because one’s doing one thing while the other does another and y’all don’t ever share similar interests…
It’s not bad to have different interests, everyone is their own unique person and that’s GREAT! You all are brilliant in your own unique way, your personality, your hobbies, your way of thinking, it’s unique to every person, no matter how hard some may try to deny it because they want to be like someone else or be someone else for someone they love. But here’s how this works, if someone loves you they will want you to be happy, they will want you to be you and if that means letting you go to someone else so that person can give you what you want, great! Or, in the case you find someone who is willing to embrace it and enjoy it with you, all the better!
Sometimes letting go of someone is the best thing you can do to ensure happiness for both of you. Because ending up in a committed relationship where neither of you are happy isn’t going to work. Where if you both go your separate ways you both have a chance of finding someone who will help you pursue your dreams and will want what you want. And there’s nothing wrong with remaining friends, but those dreams and your happiness are important.
Keep on dreaming,