Here’s one more pet peeve for you guys… Kids… I don’t care to have any, so for those of you who immediately jump on those of us who don’t want kids, we would be eternally grateful if you would NOT lecture us or give us a run down of why we should have kids and why we are selfish for not having kids… Because even myself, who DOES NOT want kids due to the fact that I don’t want to deal with the fussing, and tantrums, and messes, and late nights, and germs, and noise, and dressing them, cleaning up after them, feeding them, buying things for them, mostly devoting my time and attention and spending unnecessary money on them… Yes, I have a perfectly UNSELFISH explanation….
I have things I want to do with my life, I want to travel a bit, I want to do Martial Arts, and train mustangs, and of course, pursue my career as a successful sports therapist… So, the lifestyle that I want just wouldn’t work well with a child or children. I would have to shove my child off onto someone else, and that’s not being a parent. I don’t want to bounce my child from care taker to care taker and have him or her not ever be able to rely on anyone including his/her own mother. If I become the sort of therapist that I aim to be, I’ll have clients asking me to travel with them to certain events and if I have a child I can’t just drop everything at the drop of a hat and go with my client. I do plan to one day get married (If I can find someone who isn’t intimidated by me!) and I don’t want my husband to be tied down by children, if he wants to come with me, I want him to be able to come! We can turn it into a mini vacation!
If I have a child with that sort of lifestyle, they’ll never learn to truly trust anyone, or be able to rely on anyone, they won’t feel accepted by their own mother they’ll always feel like they’re being shoved off and they are! I wouldn’t want to give birth to a child and have them feel that way. I know how that feels, why would I bring a child into the world knowing that they could feel that sort of pain if my life goes where I would like it to? It would put them at risk for depression, suicide, and a crap load of bad decisions…
Now setting all that aside, considering that I don’t like kids. That puts myself at risk of depression after having the kid, arguments between myself and my husband and the child possibly overhearing those conversations… Once more jumping back to….. The kid feeling unloved, unaccepted, suicidal, and depressed! Again, WHY would I want to take that chance of making a precious, innocent child feel that way?
For those of you who may say, “your excuse is still selfish.” I ask you this, Is it really? Sure, I could only be so successful, and not reach my full potential, but that doesn’t change the fact that I really, just don’t like kids… Have you ever tried forcing yourself to like something or someone that you really didn’t like? Do you think people notice? If it’s a job you don’t like, you’re not as happy. If it’s a person, do you think that person, or other people are so blind that they can’t see that you don’t like them? So I ask again, are my excuses or the “excuses” of those like me really that selfish?
Sure, we may change our minds down the road, but we don’t need you along with EVERYONE else telling us, “You’ll change your mind. Everyone does.” Or, “My sister/friend/whoever said she was never having kids and now she has four.” Or, “So you already have it set in your head that you aren’t having kids, what about your future husband? Don’t you think that’s selfish?”
First of all, if I change my mind big deal! Who gives a flying flip about whether or not I change my mind? We all do! We all change with time. If kids come with that change then so be it.
Second, I don’t care if so and so said she was never having kids. That was her choice, she knew it was coming, it wasn’t a surprise to her. And FYI I know people who are married, successful, happy, and in their late 40’s past childbearing years who say, “I never wanted kids, I don’t like them, and I still don’t plan on having any” and guess what!! THEY STILL DON’T HAVE KIDS!!!!! So, if you are careful, and persistent, you won’t have kids…
And third, it’s not a secret, my future boyfriend will know, it’s not like I’m going to spring it on him after we are married. It will either be ok with him or it wont, and if it’s not well, he can move on to another woman who will bear all the children she wants!
There you have it… Some may still argue that it’s selfish… But in my eyes, it is also a responsible thing to do. To be in tune with how you feel so that you know if raising a child is a good thing to do for you, if it is good for that child who will be in your care. You aren’t just being careless and giving birth to an “Oh Crap! Seriously?!?! This can’t be happening!” I know people who have had to live with that, and it’s not easy for them… I don’t want to raise a child who hurts that way…
Anyway, I think I’m done now… I had a lady two Friday’s ago get onto me for not wanting kids and then it brought up some past issues with a friend of mine and it’s been burning me up ever since… Young women shouldn’t be so harassed and looked down on for not wanting kids… It’s their choice and the more you push it they’ll likely do one of two things, have the child reluctantly under pressure, or will one day want kids but be so against letting other people know that they were right and never feel the joy of being a mother…
So for the love of everything good PLEASE stop pressuring us! We’ll either have kids when we are ready, or we wont.