Sin

So the past couple weeks, I’ve been being drawn to scripture in Proverbs. Most specifically the first few chapters dealing in “Wisdom” and “Warning Against Adultery.”

I’ve been mulling it over, unable to figure out why these scriptures have been jumping out at me… I’ve analyzed the scriptures breaking them down trying to find out if and why they would/could apply to me.

Wisdom is wisdom, there really wasn’t any question for me there as of to why I have been drawn to those scriptures. I’m moving to a new chapter in my life, with work, finances, a boyfriend, looking to try and expand my wings a little bit more… I need wisdom. Using wisdom is going to help me get through life successfully and in the way God is directing me. Wisdom will help me discern what is and isn’t God’s will for me. She will help me figure out how to decipher between what is right and what is wrong for me.

But the scriptures that were really just throwing me off was why I was being drawn to the scripture on adultery. One night, I was re-reading one of the chapters for the third time and something finally hit me.

“This sounds familiar…” As you read through the scripture… ‘for the lips of the adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword, her feet go down to death…’ ‘keep to a path far from her… Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?… Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute with crafty intent… I have covered my bed with colored linens… I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon. Come, lets drink deep of love till morning… My husband is not at home… All at once he followed her like an ox going to slaughter… little knowing it will cost him his life… Do not let your heart turn to her ways or stray into her paths…’

Now, if we know how sin works, we will see a pattern… Sin can look good, it can look harmless, it can even make it seem like “Well… it wouldn’t be ok under these conditions, but since this is like this, it’s ok now…” We are instructed to keep far from sin, be wise, be honest, be diligent and seek God. Because we can very easily get caught up in sin and it has the potential to swallow us up if we are not careful and stay away from it. Sin can look satisfying, it can dress itself up like there’s no other option. But to walk with integrity we must be honest in everything we do.

That means not stealing, whether we are stealing on what we think is an “I need” basis, or whether we are stealing because “So and so doesn’t know, and I’ve done this that or the other so I deserve this.”

Lying, whether we are lying to get us a better cut of something (which in all honesty can be ranked there with stealing), or lying to save your own butt…

Any work that isn’t honest, adultery, sex out of wedlock, disobedience, becoming drunk or high, even using perverse language and so on…

I’m not passing judgement just so we are clear, I’m simply pointing out what seems good, what seems like it isn’t a big deal, even looks appealing at times… Because that is what sin does.

Some steal because they think it is “owed” to them.

We lie to save our butts.

We have sex out of wedlock because “we plan to get married”

We disobey because “well, we wanted to do it.”

We become drunk/high to get rid of our problems in life.

We commit adultery because “Our husband/wife isn’t treating us right.”

We become abusive be it verbally or physically because we want to gain control.

We curse because it makes us sound “more mature” or because everyone else does it and we choose not to control our own tongues…

There’s “benefits” to sin or so we think, and it’s time to recognize the “seductive” ways of sin and steer clear of its path. Reality is, to stay honest, to walk with integrity and finish the days off knowing that we are in the right, so that there is no guilt to come in the future, we must learn to seek wisdom and keep self-control.

Scriptures can be found all through Proverbs but the main scriptures spoken of here are Proverbs 1-8.

God Bless,

Jessica

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Things That Shouldn’t Be Talked About?

Ok… Another pet peeve here…

I see articles all too often “5 things you should NEVER tell your partner” “7 Hard Conversations You Should Never Have” Stupid crap like that… You want to know my 2 cents on it? It’s going to be blunt, it’s going to be honest… But it’s my thoughts and sarcasm nonetheless…

  1. If you are comparing your partners body to someone else in a sexual manner, the thought shouldn’t be dwelt on and needs to be trashed anyway. You may consider you aren’t with the right boyfriend/girlfriend if you are jealous of the way another person looks. You should love everything about their body!
  2. If you are telling your boyfriend that you want to make babies with someone else THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU AND YOU NEED YOUR HEAD EXAMINED! And again, probably aren’t with the right person.
  3. Your partner should be able to give you their honest opinion. Period. In a gentle manner depending on the subject, but still… Honest… If you can’t give an honest opinion, you probably AREN’T WITH THE RIGHT PERSON!
  4. If you can’t tell them that you don’t like a shirt he’s wearing or the shoes she’s wearing… What else can y’all not talk about? I mean come on… if you can’t be honest about clothing… I hate to say it, but you probably aren’t with the right person…
  5. If you are reminiscing over past sexual fantasies with your last boyfriend/girlfriend… WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT THING YOU CALL A BRAIN?! *Sigh* You aren’t ready for a relationship yet… Or you need to get over yourself… Sorry…
  6. Negative comments about friends or family… Gentle… That’s all I have to say… But again, if their mother is being a wench or their father is being a jerk, or their friend is a pervert, SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE! And if no one is willing to take care of it, you… Can we guess? Yep! May not be with the right person!
  7. If you see something inappropriate on their phone? Seriously? What crack are we smoking? If the girlfriend or boyfriend is looking at half-dressed men or women, or there’s a sketchy conversation going on HECK YEAH something needs to be said… Or punched… Or dumped on the curb… But seriously, if you can’t trust your partner enough to not feel the need to go through their phone, there’s an issue anyway AND you definitely need to find a new partner…
  8. Arguments you don’t see eye to eye on… Really? Sounds like they got brought up anyway… So there’s an agree to disagree policy that plays in there, conversation was already done had, as long as it was resolved your fine… If y’all can bring it up civilly and accept differences that’s for y’all to decide… If you can’t, and you can’t agree to disagree… There may be a bigger problem… I’m not going to say you AREN’T with the right person… But you might do some serious looking at what’s going on…
  9. Bragging on cheating on your exes… Yes… Because THAT builds trust… if you are bragging on that, you shouldn’t even be in a relationship and your partner needs to run for the hills and leave you on a deserted corner… somewhere in the desert… without water… or food… So yeah… I think they very well should know so they can make arrangements…
  10. You think your partners friend is “sexy,” really? No, another conversation that should be had, so they are aware and then you need to deal with that… Now, some relationships can handle it… But if not, you need to be honest with your partner so that he/she knows and can find the best way to help you deal with your crazy…
  11. If you can’t share concern for your partners weight there’s also a problem… If they are gaining weight, or losing weight (becoming underweight) it should be ok for it to be noticed… picked on? Maybe… depends again on the relationship. But otherwise a gentle notice of weight change shouldn’t be a problem…
  12. Their spending habits?! ARE YOU FLIPPING KIDDING ME?! NO! THAT’S IMPORTANT TO TALK ABOUT!!!! ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE FRIVOLOUS SPENDERS!!!! *sigh* why…. All I ask is why? No, you guys need to figure out how much the two of you can spend on yourself and only spend that amount. Otherwise one of y’all is going to waste away all the money that the other is earning… And that’s just Dumb….
  13. Ok… Asking uncomfortable questions… Yes. You should be able to ask uncomfortable questions, but the particular article it is coming from is talking about questions like “did you have better sex with your last exe.” Kind of questions in which case, if it’s a confidence thing that is driving you to ask that, the other persons response should be something to the effect of “The only sex I want is yours.” Or something completely honest, but not giving them that answer, simply because that is a very touchy subject and a HUGE confidence killer for people if you answer that as a yes… If it’s not then great! By all means, tell them they’ve got the best sex in the world! So should those topics be asked? Maybe, maybe not… if they do come up, I hope your partner knows how to answer a sensitive question like that.
  14. Stupid… This is part of what causes CHEATING! You CRAZIES! WHY would you NOT tell your partner that you have feelings for someone else?!?!?! You just gonna go sleep with them and not tell your partner about that too?! NOW I go back to you need to pack your dumb butt up and leave your partner so he/she can find someone better. Actually, that was a little mean… Seriously though, if on the off chance you develop feelings for someone else, that is OK, just be honest with your partner and tell them rather than stringing them along… Let them live life. Not every relationship was meant to work out.
  15. Hypothetically talking of breaking up? What…? My brain isn’t computing… Why?? If you are thinking and talking like that, you probably aren’t ready for a relationship… or are in the wrong relationship…

 

Ok… So the gist is, if you can’t talk to your partner, you either aren’t ready for a relationship or are with the wrong person, you’re a dumb butt, you need to add a dash of humor and less butt hurttedness….

But please! I invite you to share your thoughts on why these topics should or shouldn’t be talked about with your partner… I would love to hear it! And I promise, if you advocate for not talking about them, I’ll be nice…

I’ve always felt like your partner should know everything… Somethings may need to be rigged in an honest manner to avoid hurt feelings especially if one partner is trying to compare themselves to others… But otherwise, honesty is always the key…

God Bless,

Jessica

Bidding for Connection

It was brought to my attention that the average couple makes up to and over 100 bids for connection.

I began watching these bids… Kind of keeping track of how I react to the way my own bids are responded to, seeing how responsive I am to other people’s bids. It’s interesting to say the least.

A bid is anything done to ask for connection, whether it is positive or negative attention, whether you expect it to get answered or not…

Positive: Walking through the store, a stranger looks at you, you accept their bid for attention by smiling back which in return could make them smile back.

Negative: Walking through a store, a stranger looks at you, you see them and you glare at them, or you blow up over it, “Why were they looking at you in the first place?”

Passive: Walking through a store, a stranger looks at you, you see them yet, choose to continue walking and not acknowledge their bid.

Now, I use three, Positive (turning towards), Negative (turning against) and Passively (turning away) for a reason. Some people only view it as two saying that passive is considered negative and others say passive and negative are different due to reactions of the bidder. Because some people feel negative attention is better than no attention…

Positive bids are words, questions, gestures, looks, and physical contact.

And a positive response is simply engaging them, acknowledging the contact, accepting the invitation to start a conversation and so on…

Negative responses can be Belligerent responses, contradicting and disparaging responses, domineering responses, critical responses (blaming/judging), defensive responses.

Passive responses can be noncommittal, preoccupied (ignoring), disregarding, or interrupting and changing the subject.

  • Here’s the thing, a bid can literally be anything:
  • Someone looks at you
  • makes a sound i.e. clearing their throat, a “hmm,” sighing, etc.
  • tries to start a conversation like, “Look at this,” or “You wouldn’t believe the day I had.”
  • makes physical contact with you, touches your knee, or your shoulder…
  • I’ve noticed with myself a bid can be as much as me talking to myself or an animal trying to get the other person to take interest

Dr. Gottman ran a study involving many newlyweds in which he followed for 6 years. Many who stayed together and many who did not. The ones that stayed together turned towards their spouses bid 86% of the time, while the remaining couples who divorced only turned towards their spouses bids 33% of the time.

Some studies have gone as far to show that negative and passive responses cause depression… Which I myself can approve considering it doesn’t feel good to feel rejected for an electronic… It can cause some serious “What’s wrong with me” questions…

I can say after living with a man who was glued to his phone or the computer or the TV 24/7 and wouldn’t acknowledge you unless you did something to really set him off, it SUCKS dealing with people who ignore you and respond in a negative way… I’ve never been one to like any type of negative attention so I’ve never purposely done anything to attract such…

But I also lived with my mom who for a while got really bad about burying her nose into her phone, she would want me to come spend time with her and out her phone would come… So when I quit hanging out with her she asked why and I explained it to her and she started putting her phone down. Even when she would sit on her phone, I RARELY ever pulled my phone out. Most of the time I left my phone in the house while we sat outside because I never wanted it to be my fault that she wasn’t getting to spend time with me.

Even now, I would confidently challenge anyone who knows me to say how often they’ve seen me on my phone, Excluding times that WE were looking something up for the other person to look at be it pictures or information.

One of my uncles posted an article this morning on how “phubbing” is killing relationships and I did not realize there was a term for it, but apparently it is when the other person is choosing their phone over you…

It really is sad the society we live in today, I was reading a blog post by a lady who was a teacher and she was assisting in grading papers, the assignment for the lot of 3rd graders, if I recall correctly, was a paper to finish “I wish.” This teacher picked up a paper and read it and the child was talking about how he wishes he was an iPhone because his parents would spend more time with him, and they would love him more and he could make them happier…

My own sisters would come home from their dads on the weekends and complain that all he did was sit and play candy crush instead of spending time with them.

Me myself, I am all too familiar with the phone being more important than myself. Whether it’s true or not, that’s how it feels, especially when you are in the middle of a conversation with someone about a topic that shouldn’t be funny and they burst out laughing, you ask them why they are laughing and they start raving on something they saw on their phone. So mid conversation you drop the conversation, there’s no, “what were you saying,” not even so much as to acknowledge you were speaking… They didn’t even notice you quit talking… Which means whatever you were saying in the first place wasn’t important to them.

Or when you are having a two way conversation and they pull out their phone…

Or when you have a two way conversation and the next thing you know they just quit responding period…

The article that my uncle posted, they said it perfectly when they said the person who choose their phone over their spouse is retreating from their spouse… Doesn’t matter who you are in my opinion, be it an acquaintance, friend, client, family member or spouse, it’s rude and it makes the other person feel like they aren’t good enough to deserve your undivided attention, it makes them feel like they are trying to escape you without actually leaving your presence.

Sometimes I don’t mind it, if I don’t have anything to say and they don’t have anything to say, whatever… But if someone is trying to have a conversation, have some respect… It’s a courtesy thing.

Sitting at the dinner table, hanging out with friends, really, anything that is requiring one to be social. I don’t even get on my phone if I’m sitting waiting on someone because I don’t want to come off as being preoccupied to the people around me.

It all comes back to giving thought to how the person or people around feel when one is on the phone.

To me, it’s rude to be in company of others and be on your phone. That’s just simple etiquette.

If someone is trying to spend time with you, respect that time, cherish it, don’t waste it away on your phone because as with what happened with my mom and myself, they’ll stop wanting to be around you.

If you fall a little behind on your emails, or miss a few facebook updates, it’s not the end of the world. It will still be there when it’s all said and done. You aren’t going to miss anything that’s life or death. A person on the other hand, could die tomorrow. Human life is so fragile, it can be taken in an instant. How would you feel if someone tried to spend time with you but you were so glued to your phone that you didn’t really spend time with them and then they left and got into a fatal car accident? Would you have wished that you put the phone down? Or stepped away from the computer? Your electronics are there still waiting for you, uncaring of the loss in your life. They remain the same, unchanged except for new emails or status updates or tweets or whatever…

When it comes to spending time with someone, whether it’s family or friends, it’s quality over quantity…

At least generally…

Back to the original point of the article before I got off on this one particular tangent, even so much as only giving someone the leftovers, one fills their day with things-to-do and then you get left at the end of the day wondering why they couldn’t make time to give you some quality time… and the majority of responses given to your bids are passive because they are tired and not feeling talkative so you get the last 20 minutes of passive/preoccupied conversation.

Those are probably the biggest killers with passive and negative responses, electronics and someone running themselves ragged. Because they get preoccupied and get snappy because you interrupt them, or they just ignore you, or they are tired and don’t want to be bothered.

So those of us that try not to create negative responses just shrink back to the shadows giving up on offering bids to connect, to get attention…

I challenge you to start keeping track of people’s bids… Including your own. As well as responses. It’s an interesting thing for sure.

Now, before I go off onto any more pet peeves I will bid you farewell…

God Bless,

Jessica