I had a momentary melt down the other night. Anyhow, I was playing Steven Curtis Chapman’s “Cinderella” on my guitar when I noticed there was a spot on the guitar that was holding a small puddle of tears. Tear drops on her dark guitar, kept coming to my mind, I got cleaned up and ready for bed when a brief overview of my struggles began to flood my mind. I sat down with my guitar and a pen and notebook and then was the beginning of my song.
No, it’s not perfect and I want to get a friend of mine who writes music to help me put it together better, however. “With Every Drop” became a story of my thoughts and struggles that flood me on a almost consistent basis. But it also is about my overcoming’s. It is written from my golden child looking into the broken child. My golden child is seeing all of the struggles but knows that the broken child can make it through. It’s about a girl who has lost herself and fears that she couldn’t be forgiven, much less loved, she has dreams and hopes and memories that will only serve to taunt her, dreams and hopes that will never be fulfilled. She continually questions her worth, and wonders if her wounds can ever be mended. Some times she doesn’t see herself for who she is, she’s weak, she screws up, she can’t keep on any longer.
And then…
And then she begins to understand with every tear drop, it tells a story, tells a story of her strength and her victories, with every drop there’s a beauty, for someone to be so vulnerable, there’s a beauty. All she wants is her pain to go away, her memories, her past, her mistakes, but with every drop, though it may not seem like it, she’s overcoming. After the golden child sees her strength she begins encouraging the broken child until the broken child begins to understand, she is strong, she is courageous, and even though she may lose it, she will overcome.
No matter what your struggle is, you can reach a point at which you can be ok. Society beats us over the head and tells us that we can’t be weak, we can’t cry, especially guys. But reality is, some times, you have to be weak, you have to be vulnerable for you to overcome whatever you are going through. It took my youth leader months, to get me to accept the fact that it was ok for me to be weak or to cry. It wasn’t till he convinced me that if I had a problem I could talk about and ask for guidance. We are so stuck up with having to put on this front that is completely fake 100% of the time that we can’t accept a moment of weakness. Ya know, maybe if you could be weak for just a moment, make yourself vulnerable for just a moment, and with the RIGHT person, you’ll find that having a moment of weakness is ok because in the end you know you’ll overcome, you’ll be ok. Maybe in a situation like mine where your deepest desire is something that stems from your past and there is no possible way that that desire will every be met. But, there is healing to come, no matter what your situation. As long as you are actively looking for an answer you can overcome. I don’t care how much pain, how much guilt, how bad your past or present, or how much you question your very existence. You are always strong, even when you are weak.
Be strong, you are dearly loved.
Jessica
imforhim 