It’s YOUR story

You know, I don’t understand people some days…

I found out that an old friend of mine, is pregnant… She’s like 19 or 20… And has had more boyfriends than I can count…

About a year or so ago, I knew another young lady who was 17 when she got pregnant if I remember correctly… Also having more boyfriends than I can count…

Neither are married…

Another young lady I knew, married at 19, child at 20…

I know that being single sucks sometimes… You start hitting 19 and 20 and suddenly your group of friends gets smaller because everyone is working and trying to make a life, and getting married and having children and suddenly you find yourself the odd one out because you have no one to do anything with… And as it should be family takes priority and bills are important to pay…

You start getting shafted by your best friend because she will only freaking talk to you after she dumps her boyfriend or gets dumped… You’ve known her for 18 years and you still get the cold shoulder when she gets a boyfriend… -_-

So it leaves one learning to be happy by themselves… It can be a lonely road to travel when you have no one to talk to, and when you find someone who is willing to give you attention you feel kind of deprived…

But seriously, your value, your future and your life are SO much more important than being stuck as a single mom at 19… Being stuck as a single mom at 22… Do something with your life, don’t wrap yourself up in boyfriends or being so set on needing to have an established family by 25… YOU have SO MUCH potential whether you think you do or not and as bad as it might sound, being tied down at 19 or 20 isn’t it. You are still so young with so much life and ability in front of you, go live life till your 25 THEN look at starting a family… because as a teenager and even in your 20’s there’s so much growing and changing left to do… 20’s is still the time you’re figuring out how to “adult”. And that’s OK… I promise…

Now, I do understand on some occasions that someone gets lucky and they marry at 18 and 35 years later you are inspiring people and still as happy as you were the day you got married… And I LOVE it! I do!

But those cases are so far and few between… Kids these days (yes, anyone under 28 is still a kid…) are in such a hurry to get married… It’s ridiculous…

When I told my ex that I was done with our relationship the first words out of his mouth were, “I’m 27 years old, I was supposed to be living in my own house, married and having children by now!”

WHO SAYS?! So what if the rest of your friends are tied down, because trust me! Having kids before you’re ready SUCKS. I’ve known a handful of people who regret getting married, regret having had kids at the age they did… I watched a lady who broke down in tears at our dentist’s office because the receptionist asked how her day was going and she started bawling saying that she found out she was pregnant with twins and she hates kids…

And some that know me would tell me I don’t understand because I have absolutely no desire to have my own children…

But it’s not that I don’t understand… I would rather see people I care about living life and wishing they had their little bundles of joys earlier in life, over regretting they had their child and not doing anything with their life… Because children are a huge responsibility and once you end up with more than one or two, they are very consuming… shoot… one is consuming enough…

The thing is, when you can learn to be happy by yourself… when you learn to accept yourself without needing approval by a boy, or a girl (can’t forget about you guys…). You’ll attract a much better potential spouse… There’s a theory running around, and I forget who or where I heard it, but if you grow to be the best you can, and be the kind of person you yourself would want to marry, is the person you will eventually attract.

A little bit of patience goes a long way… Don’t jump in bed with the first boy or girl that flirts with you… Don’t be set on marrying that ONE person…

I wanted to have one boyfriend and one husband… I refuse to have sex before marriage, I refuse to let anyone push me into such…

If you love me enough, you’ll be my friend first… If you love me enough, you will respect my boundaries… If you love me enough you will wait for me, you won’t cheat on me because I’m making you wait a minimum of two years before we get married…

I may not have the best self-esteem, but I know how I want to be treated. And by golly I’m dang stubborn…

I am 22 years old, and have had one boyfriend… nothing more, nothing less… I spend my days working, studying, learning, now traveling to learn, spending time with family, working on my horses, and bettering myself… And right now, until I am ready to settle down, I have no interest in delving into a relationship…

There was a time I was hoping to be close to being able to adopt my first child at 25 or 28… But I’m ok with that not happening. If it doesn’t happen till I’m in my late 30’s, I’m ok with that… Even in my 40’s… I don’t care… I know I have a purpose in life, and right now, it’s not to have a family…

Anyway, again, I feel like I’m kind of all over the board here, feeling like I’m rambling… But to break it down, all that to say this…

Live life. Don’t be too quick to make life altering decisions. It’s your life, no one else’s and you deserve to live it to the fullest.

Patience is key, and don’t get caught up in the heat of the moment… It may seem right, you may feel like you’re on cloud nine and everything is hunky dory… But even the best things can be horrible for you…

But sometimes, the best things really are the best things… And it’s wonderful and grand… And I can guarantee you, the best things aren’t going to fall into your lap. You need to hustle, you need to grind, you need to give it everything you have…

I recently had an opportunity that did actually fall into my lap. Actually, I think it chased me down and tackled me… But it fell into my lap because of my background of everything I’ve accomplished this year… Because of my passion and desire to help and give and learn… And even though he knows I got fired from my job because I wouldn’t comply and do what I was told… He knows WHY I wouldn’t comply, because I wasn’t willing to throw away my foundation, my morals, or my integrity in order to appease my boss… He loves it. Because he agrees and I think it only confirmed that he wants me on his team.

Anyone can go anywhere in their life… We’re all stories in the end… Just make it a good one.

Make it yours, no matter how hard you have to work… Eat crap for however many years so you can live the life you want later. Push through, don’t give up. You’ve got this.

Now, keep your head screwed on straight and go hustle…

Jessica

 

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Dating is a Learning Curve

I know this is public… And obviously not every situation has to be shared through this. But I did this so that I could learn and so that people can hopefully learn from my mistakes…
I dated my first boyfriend for a year. That was a rough one, I invested so much emotionally, physically and mentally, when I realized things weren’t going to work, I struggled to end the relationship. I tried twice in March to tell him I was done, I half way tried again at the end of March. Telling him that I needed to be done, but didn’t tell him I WANTED to be done.
I didn’t want to hurt him. He is far more sensitive than me and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Then I realized that hanging onto him was only hurting both of us more. It was hurting me more because it was adding to my stress, I found that every other night I was venting about something. And him, he was trying to find ways to relocate so he could be 4 hours closer putting him only 30 minutes away from me so we could actually see each other.
I got tired of skipping things I wanted to do because I was trying to spend time with him because I knew if I didn’t take that time, I wouldn’t get to talk to him. Our evenings were screwed up… My family is busy getting kids ready for bed, getting everyone showered and ready for the next day. So after dinner at 6:30-10 I’m doing absolutely nothing. About 10:00 pm mom wants to spend time with me till she goes to bed.
My ex-boyfriend on the other hand wanted to watch movies from 6:30-10 and would get huffy because I would go talk to mom and by the time I got him called back, he was already in bed. OR I would choose to talk to him over spending time with mom, and he would sit on his phone the whole time. Making me regret not going and talking with mom.
He took me to a military ball back in November and I never told anyone because I was ashamed of the fact that he did this to me and I still stayed with him, once his buddies left, he spent the last hour and a half on his phone. So I sat there watching everyone else talk while he played on fb. On top of that, he was supposed to pay for half of my plane ticket up there. He told me he would pay for my dress and the hotel… Then he tells me that he paid for one dinner for me, my mom and my two sisters, and paid for the tickets for the ball for myself and him so felt we were even… I had spent well over $500… Which, I was relying on halving at least $300 back.
To begin listing problems I was having, his cursing had gotten too much. I don’t curse so it eventually wears on your ears when the smallest mishap causes a string of curse words. He would lose a game on his phone and you would hear “You Mother F’ing, son of a f’ing B****, you F’ing F’er,” and I would ask him if that was really necessary and he’d answer back with a short tempered yes.
He was obsessive over the fact that he would always carry a gun around my mom’s husband because he wanted to have the upper hand if her husband did something he didn’t approve of. He told me on multiple occasions that he would shoot her husband if he felt like it was necessary.
He hated both of my parents, regardless of the fact that they were nice to him despite the fact that they did not approve of him. But rather than trying to get to know them, he chose to avoid them in every way possible.
When it came to his temper, he couldn’t handle owning it and controlling it. It was always “well so and so made me angry.” “Only you can let them make you angry.” “No. They made me get angry.” He could own up his mistakes in a heartbeat when it came to me. Which was something that pulled me closer to him. But when it came to his temper as long as it wasn’t me, it was everyone else that made him angry. Or it was his anxiety, apparently his anxiety causes him to have a hot temper too…
Due to respect for him, there were some pretty major things that supposedly played into his anxiety that I cannot publicly say, but I didn’t see those things… I feel like they should have been more obvious, but it took me talking to other people within the army for me to start seeing that the things my ex-boyfriend was telling me weren’t adding up.
Then you start reaching the smaller stuff, like, I do MMA for a reason, I LOVE to roughhouse and pick some sort of play fight. He wouldn’t. In fact, he would get upset if I tried to roughhouse with him. I kept trying to tell him I wasn’t a delicate flower and I don’t get hurt easily but he never would. Or that his sense of humor was wrapped up in Chauvinistic jokes. Whether he actually believed it or not, I can’t say I know for sure, but I was concerned that it would be a matter of time before he decided to transfer that mindset to me if that’s what he liked to joke about and then blame the army for it. He decided that I would need to do the majority of coming to see him because it was more important for him to blow his money on things he wanted to do so he couldn’t afford to come see me. But heaven forbid I didn’t have the money to see him because I have classes I need to pay for… And thus, he would get mad when I wouldn’t take off work because I was/am dead set on getting the classes paid for. He just wasn’t a happy person in general… He wasn’t happy with his life, he wasn’t happy with himself, he carried around his past and put in on a pedestal and coddled it using it to “Ok” how he handled situations and how no one was EVER going to disrespect him.
Anyway, I’m going to give that a break and say this, he was sweet to me. He was amazing, he opened all the doors for me, he paid for all of our “dates” and even when he would ask for help on something more expensive he would still usually pay for it. He had the ability to be very kind hearted and selfless, but I had gotten to the point with everything else, I couldn’t do it. He definitely showed me things to look for in a future husband, but also showed me a lot of things I thought I could handle, but can’t.
When I realized I had developed feelings for someone else, I knew something had to be done fast because I wasn’t going to be the girl who cheated. So two weeks into trying to grow a backbone and tell him I was done, I was getting my timeline out. Saturday I figured out I was done and knew I was done. I didn’t want to tell him that day because he had to work the next morning and if I told him, he wouldn’t sleep that night and then he’d be at work miserable the next day. His schedule was one day on, one day off, so he had Monday off, but between me not wanting to talk to him and him being “busy”, we really didn’t even talk Monday. He worked Tuesday which meant he had Wednesday off. However Tuesday was when I knew I was in trouble because I actually liked this other guy that I work with. So that nailed Tuesday night as the best day. He got off work at 10:30 pm and called me because I missed his phone call on his break while hanging out with this other guy at work, and he had off Wednesday, that gave him Tuesday night and Wednesday to recoup before work on Thursday.
So now that that is over, I’ve heard from him a handful of times, he wanted to tell me that he was willing to change, which was all things I heard before. And that he loved me and he was wrong. But rather than allowing that to pull me in for a 4th time, I called him out and moved on. He later called again, to let me know that even though I am essentially dating, that he and I could still make the relationship work. And he called me again later to let me know he changed his mind, that I’m too immature for a relationship, that I don’t deserve the success he’s going to achieve and that if I had worked as hard as he did for the relationship that we could have made things work. Here again, I called BS and we got off the phone. After that I finally decided I was removing all forms of contact with him. For both his sanity and mine.
I had to reason it out. I cared too much about how he felt and so it took me reasoning why it was bad for him, for me to keep holding onto him. Ultimately he wouldn’t be happy, and if he was happy that I wasn’t happy in the relationship that just brought up a whole new load of problems. I wasn’t going to wait around to figure that out. Or, with the fact that I got to the point I avoided telling people I was dating because if they were interested, I didn’t want to squash that hope, knowing that if anyone took me up on it I would either have to tell my ex or cheat on him… Well, finally someone finally took me up on it asked for my number, asked to go meet up. Luckily for me I had already determined how and when, so it all just happened simultaneously. Naturally he got mad when he found out I was already going out to dinner with a “friend” and I got the lecture about it being too soon and having no time to heal. The problem was that mentally, I was done with the relationship in February. I had come to the grips with the fact that I was done. And I’m one of those people who are kind of emotionally separated anyway. If I decide someone isn’t worth my time, I can walk away without batting an eye. Like with this, I feel bad for him, but I’m enjoying life and after I broke up with him, he was kind enough to show me just how crazy he is which only made sure I knew I made the right choice.
I have a guy momentarily who is trying really hard to be only a friend, but is failing miserably… He’s so funny, because he’s such a boy that it’s actually ridiculously cute… He’s that teenage boy that reaches up to stretch and tries to put his arm around you without you noticing… Except he does it in different ways. Like, sitting on the other side of a bench, he fidgets enough that he works his way so he’s leaned up against me or he grabs a hold of me in play and lets his head “accidentally” fall into my lap… He’s just a dork and I love that about him… He reminds me a lot of my mom’s husband which is something that intrigues me about him… and he’s a complete polar opposite of my ex. He calls me, he texts me, he picks me up from home, or picks me up from work, takes me to the lake to eat dinner… It’s not at all what I’m used to. When he sees me, he leaves his phone in the car or in another room. We can roughhouse and when I tell him he bruised me he laughs and tells me I deserved it… Which, as backwards as it may sound to people who don’t wrestle, I love it! But, he seems to be leaning towards moving away for a job. So we are just supposed to be maintaining a friend status till he decides what he wants to do.
It’s funny though because my parents dropped by his apartment for a surprise visit and he took it in stride, wasn’t expecting it, ran around his apartment “cleaning” which consisted of pushing in a chair, taking his clean laundry out of the living area and into his room, taking his pillow that was on the couch (he was sick) and putting that into his room while he muttered about his immaculate apartment being a wreck… He’s a neat freak… But he did, and afterwards we had an almost 20 minute conversation about how much he liked my parents…
Where my ex, would have lost his crap and would have been going about how dare they drop by like that and not give any warning and probably threatening to shoot them if they ever did it again.
Here’s the thing. Even if this guy does move. I will not at all regret any decisions I have made. Because he gave me needed motivation to leaving a bad relationship and he taught me that there are guys out there who have what I need. He’s also helped me see that city slickers may not be so bad after all, especially when they are willing to explore your world too… And he does, he takes an interest in my MMA and he’s trying to muster up the guts to see the horses… But he’s also the first person to tell you he’s a little Pansy and he needs to man up.
My only regret will be if he decides to move and then I will be legitimately sad. Because I have already allowed myself to get close to him and he’s down now, doing an in person interview for this company… So yeah, I’m feeling a little pouty already.
But, if he moves, I’ll get over myself pretty quick like and know that though this guy is 100 times better than my ex, there’s someone who’s going to be even better than the guy I’m liking now.
And I’m not putting all this out there to publicly bad mouth my ex… I’m putting it out there because all that crap I mentioned, I didn’t see till 7 months into the relationship and then realized there “might” be some issues… Then 10 months in I realized these things couldn’t be ignored, finally the 12th month we had two and a half breakups, each time he pulled me in saying he would change, he screwed up, he’s sorry, give him another chance, and I would allow him to drag me back in.
Don’t do it. If they want to change they will change. They won’t feed you some BS excuse like, “You had to tell me.” Or “Guys don’t take hints.” Because one thing I will say, is there’s guys who joke about not being able to take hints… But I know a few who do even though they won’t admit to it. Because I’ve seen how they treat their wife, or me, or other women. Obviously you can’t be stupid with it, any person deserves to be told, but when it’s something obvious like, your boyfriend is ignoring you and playing on their phone and you tell them that it drives you nuts when people are on their phones while someone is trying to talk to them… That’s a pretty obvious hint…
I think a second chance is fair, after being outright told there’s an issue and this is what it is. That way it gives them an opportunity to fix it, but at this point, I would like to hope that I wouldn’t allow myself to get pulled back in by some sweet talking boy who knows how to play their words.
If a guy or girl cares about you, you’ll know it. You won’t have to play this game of we’re done, I’m sorry, I love you, we’re back together. Every relationship is going to have issues yes… But it shouldn’t be every little thing causing issues, and you definitely should never feel like you aren’t a priority… when friends, or hunting, or fishing, or a flipping phone takes priority over you, there’s a problem.
So, now that I’ve written y’all a 4 page book, I’m going to see if I can go through here and cut some things out to make it shorter… wait… that put it at 5 pages… I got it down to 4 pages… but I cheated and made the margins smaller….
Anyway,
God Bless,
Good Luck,
Jessica

Attraction, Dating and Relationships

Desperation isn’t an attractive feature… Needy isn’t an attractive feature… I’ve maintained for a while that I would never need a man, but wanting a man would be something different. There’s a sort of insanity in this world when a man is willing to try to date woman who is allowing another man to pursue her… All because he “needs” that woman.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s sweet in its own weird way that he feels like he loves her enough to overlook it, but why torture yourself? Just on that alone, if a woman, or a man, doesn’t feel the same way about you, wouldn’t you at least owe it to yourself to find someone better? Find someone more capable of loving you the way you deserve to be loved?
Some things can be fixed when they are broken, but emotions are a tricky thing. There’s a point for some, that once their emotions are decided, that is it. You can’t force someone to love you again, and even if they are willing to try to pretend, try to fake it till you make it kind of thing, if they aren’t happy is it a healthy relationship? Is it a healthy relationship when one is content because he or she has the spouse of their dreams, but they completely overlook the fact that their spouse isn’t happy. They don’t care if their spouse loves them, so long as their spouse is theirs.
There are people that are so willing to overlook cheating because they “need” that one person. There is a difference between genuinely coming to a mending over a significant other cheating, and being willing to say you forgive them and turn a blind eye to it because you don’t want to accept that they don’t love you.
I was accused of cheating, cheating because in my mind I decided I liked someone a week before I left the relationship… cheating because I told this someone I “had,” as in previously/no more, a boyfriend because I didn’t want him to lose interest because I had a boyfriend that I decided two weeks before I was walking away from… cheating because the night I decided I liked this someone, was mere hours before I knew I couldn’t hold off any longer this conversation that needed to take place that night.
But you see, I will admit, I do believe it was a form of cheating. To tell someone you don’t have a boyfriend when you do, is wrong. But on the same note, he cheated on me not once, but on a daily basis with his phone. His phone got more attention than myself, his phone was more important than myself, his facebook, his games, his news, his emails, his news again, his game… again… and then, I got tired of it. And really, it wasn’t the only reason, but on the chance that maybe he reads this. Maybe he won’t be so quick to tell people that I cheated first…
I am strong, but strict, there is little room for error with me, and any guy is going to find that as a challenge. But that is ok. Anything worth having is worth the work right?
The funny thing is, the one whom I dated is polar opposites of the one I am getting to know.
I’m a country girl through and through, I am a tomboy that will make other tomboys look like girly girls. My previous boyfriend, was wound up tighter than stretched barbwire, cussed more than I could handle, blew up over the smallest things, his phone was his life, I couldn’t wrestle with him, but he was a big outdoors person.
The one who is currently catching my attention doesn’t curse (told me the only time he curses is during a basketball game), is probably too laid back, leaves his phone in random places because he forgets about it, and is a complete city slicker pansy boy who’s afraid of everything except dogs and cats! But I actually feel more comfortable jacking around with him and I can actually wrestle with him. Like, he left a bruise on me because he actually picks back! And despite his pansy city side, he’s trying to explore my world, he’s willing to explore my world. Which is cool to me. And, he’s come to grips with the fact that I’m going to crack jokes with him about me being manlier than him.
Anyway, point being, there’s someone out there for everyone. Take it slow, get to know them, learn your pet peeves and what you are willing to tolerate. That was something I didn’t know. I didn’t know what I was willing to tolerate. I knew what I definitely was not tolerating, but had a list of things I thought I could tolerate till I started weeding them out.
So, I went into this whole dating idea that I would have one boyfriend and one only, we dated for a year and it didn’t work, and I am honestly very much ok with that. I learned a lot though, he taught me somethings that I would definitely notice were gone and would like to see them in potential boyfriends, but he also taught me a lot on what I wasn’t able to handle. And that’s ok too.
I know for being 22 and only having had one boyfriend, it’s not a rare occurrence, but if you are determined to only ever date one person, don’t marry the person because of that. Make sure you do genuinely love them and care for them. I don’t necessarily agree with “shopping around” and dating every guy you see, but dating more than one isn’t a bad thing either…
Anyhow, I’m not sure how well this all ties together, but, I think I’ve said my part.
God Bless,
Jessica

Things That Shouldn’t Be Talked About?

Ok… Another pet peeve here…

I see articles all too often “5 things you should NEVER tell your partner” “7 Hard Conversations You Should Never Have” Stupid crap like that… You want to know my 2 cents on it? It’s going to be blunt, it’s going to be honest… But it’s my thoughts and sarcasm nonetheless…

  1. If you are comparing your partners body to someone else in a sexual manner, the thought shouldn’t be dwelt on and needs to be trashed anyway. You may consider you aren’t with the right boyfriend/girlfriend if you are jealous of the way another person looks. You should love everything about their body!
  2. If you are telling your boyfriend that you want to make babies with someone else THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU AND YOU NEED YOUR HEAD EXAMINED! And again, probably aren’t with the right person.
  3. Your partner should be able to give you their honest opinion. Period. In a gentle manner depending on the subject, but still… Honest… If you can’t give an honest opinion, you probably AREN’T WITH THE RIGHT PERSON!
  4. If you can’t tell them that you don’t like a shirt he’s wearing or the shoes she’s wearing… What else can y’all not talk about? I mean come on… if you can’t be honest about clothing… I hate to say it, but you probably aren’t with the right person…
  5. If you are reminiscing over past sexual fantasies with your last boyfriend/girlfriend… WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT THING YOU CALL A BRAIN?! *Sigh* You aren’t ready for a relationship yet… Or you need to get over yourself… Sorry…
  6. Negative comments about friends or family… Gentle… That’s all I have to say… But again, if their mother is being a wench or their father is being a jerk, or their friend is a pervert, SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE! And if no one is willing to take care of it, you… Can we guess? Yep! May not be with the right person!
  7. If you see something inappropriate on their phone? Seriously? What crack are we smoking? If the girlfriend or boyfriend is looking at half-dressed men or women, or there’s a sketchy conversation going on HECK YEAH something needs to be said… Or punched… Or dumped on the curb… But seriously, if you can’t trust your partner enough to not feel the need to go through their phone, there’s an issue anyway AND you definitely need to find a new partner…
  8. Arguments you don’t see eye to eye on… Really? Sounds like they got brought up anyway… So there’s an agree to disagree policy that plays in there, conversation was already done had, as long as it was resolved your fine… If y’all can bring it up civilly and accept differences that’s for y’all to decide… If you can’t, and you can’t agree to disagree… There may be a bigger problem… I’m not going to say you AREN’T with the right person… But you might do some serious looking at what’s going on…
  9. Bragging on cheating on your exes… Yes… Because THAT builds trust… if you are bragging on that, you shouldn’t even be in a relationship and your partner needs to run for the hills and leave you on a deserted corner… somewhere in the desert… without water… or food… So yeah… I think they very well should know so they can make arrangements…
  10. You think your partners friend is “sexy,” really? No, another conversation that should be had, so they are aware and then you need to deal with that… Now, some relationships can handle it… But if not, you need to be honest with your partner so that he/she knows and can find the best way to help you deal with your crazy…
  11. If you can’t share concern for your partners weight there’s also a problem… If they are gaining weight, or losing weight (becoming underweight) it should be ok for it to be noticed… picked on? Maybe… depends again on the relationship. But otherwise a gentle notice of weight change shouldn’t be a problem…
  12. Their spending habits?! ARE YOU FLIPPING KIDDING ME?! NO! THAT’S IMPORTANT TO TALK ABOUT!!!! ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE FRIVOLOUS SPENDERS!!!! *sigh* why…. All I ask is why? No, you guys need to figure out how much the two of you can spend on yourself and only spend that amount. Otherwise one of y’all is going to waste away all the money that the other is earning… And that’s just Dumb….
  13. Ok… Asking uncomfortable questions… Yes. You should be able to ask uncomfortable questions, but the particular article it is coming from is talking about questions like “did you have better sex with your last exe.” Kind of questions in which case, if it’s a confidence thing that is driving you to ask that, the other persons response should be something to the effect of “The only sex I want is yours.” Or something completely honest, but not giving them that answer, simply because that is a very touchy subject and a HUGE confidence killer for people if you answer that as a yes… If it’s not then great! By all means, tell them they’ve got the best sex in the world! So should those topics be asked? Maybe, maybe not… if they do come up, I hope your partner knows how to answer a sensitive question like that.
  14. Stupid… This is part of what causes CHEATING! You CRAZIES! WHY would you NOT tell your partner that you have feelings for someone else?!?!?! You just gonna go sleep with them and not tell your partner about that too?! NOW I go back to you need to pack your dumb butt up and leave your partner so he/she can find someone better. Actually, that was a little mean… Seriously though, if on the off chance you develop feelings for someone else, that is OK, just be honest with your partner and tell them rather than stringing them along… Let them live life. Not every relationship was meant to work out.
  15. Hypothetically talking of breaking up? What…? My brain isn’t computing… Why?? If you are thinking and talking like that, you probably aren’t ready for a relationship… or are in the wrong relationship…

 

Ok… So the gist is, if you can’t talk to your partner, you either aren’t ready for a relationship or are with the wrong person, you’re a dumb butt, you need to add a dash of humor and less butt hurttedness….

But please! I invite you to share your thoughts on why these topics should or shouldn’t be talked about with your partner… I would love to hear it! And I promise, if you advocate for not talking about them, I’ll be nice…

I’ve always felt like your partner should know everything… Somethings may need to be rigged in an honest manner to avoid hurt feelings especially if one partner is trying to compare themselves to others… But otherwise, honesty is always the key…

God Bless,

Jessica

My Soldier

Ask me why I love my boyfriend and I’ll tell you this…

He knows how to treat a lady, he opens my doors, he doesn’t let me walk on the side that traffic flows, if we are in a crowded place he keeps contact with me so that he doesn’t lose me, if we come across a person who concerns him he keeps himself between me and that person, he never touches me in a way that is inappropriate or makes me uncomfortable, he is soft spoken, goofy, loyal, tender, and knows when to be serious, he knows how to apologize and own his crap way better than I probably ever will unless he starts to rub off on me, he’s caring and tender and he listens, he listens to what I have to say and I don’t have to worry about him helping me keep a conversation going, he’s a great teacher, he’s patient, encouraging, he has yet to make me feel stupid, he realizes my independence and embraces it (at least so far), he realizes my fears, concerns and worries and has a crazy way of calming them and working around them without getting frustrated by them, he’s my ray of sun on gloomy crummy days and the eye within a hurricane… He wants to help me accomplish my dreams and he wants to see me rise and be the best that I can be, he wants me to work if I want to, not because I have to. He cares enough about me that he’s sacrificing having his own children because I don’t want to get pregnant and would rather adopt, he’s got a walk with God, and he thoroughly enjoys the horses, my safety and my happiness are priority for him.

If you asked me before I met him if I would date a member of the armed forces or a first responder, I would have told you no. Definitely not a Police Officer, Firefighter or Military personnel; I heard too many bad stories and heard of too many messed up marriages because of the stereotypical “Hero” complex and anyone working in those fields had to be narcissistic misogynists or have absolutely no give a dang about their life.

Remeeting a childhood friend with the idea that I wasn’t interested in a relationship, he wasn’t interested in a relationship, he was deployed in Kuwait and I was in the states, and even still, his home was 8 hours away. I wasn’t worried about ending up in a relationship.

I’ll admit, when I found him my heart kind of dropped a bit because I thought he had a family, but that was a bigger concern because the likelihood of him talking to me was slim. But when I was told he was single, I had a little tug at my heart hinting that my single life was about to be over.

I didn’t push it, we talked the first three days via facebook before he finally asked if he could call me. When he asked if he could call me, I think my heart skipped a beat. I don’t think I’ve told him this, but the amount of excitement that built up in me at moment when I realized he WANTED to talk to me, was just funny… Almost ridiculous, I remember sitting in the truck on my way home from college feeling soothed and anxious at once, excited, nervous… That whole probably turning red and butterflies in the stomach feeling… And then, we talked on the phone and I knew then and there I was in trouble. I knew I was going to end up liking him as more than a friend.

We hit it off and started heading in that direction quickly, I loved talking to him, and still love talking to him. He’s a phenomenal young man! Does he have quirks, yes. He does, but who doesn’t? Does the good outweigh the quirks or the less desired traits, heck yes… Would I follow him to the ends of the earth as our relationship grows more and more serious and the time is right? Yes… Just the same as he would follow me.

They say that love is a commitment; that love is a daily choice that you wake up and every day you choose to love that person. On their good days, as well as their bad days. I fully believe that if our relationship stays centered around God and we continually seek his guidance and counsel, our relationship and lives will flourish.

We have things that need some tuning, and as we continue to get to know each other, we have somethings that we are going need to adapt. But if you love someone you’ll better yourself for that person and if I want to be the best that I can be for CJ and he wants to be the best he can be for me, we are set.

Talking to him tonight, I made a simple comment, granted, maybe not so simple on my part, but still so simple, and watching his whole demeanor change the way it did… Oh my gosh… It may have melted my heart a little… Seeing him on Skype and hearing him on the phone, I could tell that a decision he’s been looking at was wearing on him. Tonight it was wearing on him bad… But that simple statement brightened him so much, it only confirmed what I had told him. It made me realize I think just how much he really did care about my wellbeing in the decision. I knew he cared, but it didn’t really click until that moment just how much. Seeing it on him like that…

So here’s the thing, yes, I came to love an Army Soldier when I said I wouldn’t date one nor was I even wanting a boyfriend, granted, he is likely on his way out of the army and for that I am thankful. But, I had come to a point in my life where I wasn’t worried about finding a life partner. This man who was a soldier and seemed far too perfect to let go quickly stole my heart and began dispelling a lot of my fears of being in a relationship and when I realized that my fears were settling and it’s been 7 months now and those fears have yet to come up again, it makes me that much more comfortable.

The thing is, not what their job is. I’m learning with armed forces there’s a lot of stereotyping, you can’t judge someone by their job or by stereotypical characteristics. Out of the many hundreds or thousands involved in certain fields of work, not all of them are the same. I think my biggest point being, don’t let the stereotyping chase you away, if you find someone worth dating, no matter their line of work, snatch them up before it’s too late. Just don’t be in a hurry to jump into a relationship, if it is meant to happen it will happen. Don’t rush it, enjoy the process…

CJ isn’t the horseman that I pictured myself dating, but all of the other qualities, the fact that he treats me well and the fact that we do have similar interests and passions, but also differ enough that we’ll be able to balance each other out. I would take that any day… Having waited the 4 years to find a guy that treats me right and isn’t after my body, and his idea of a first date wasn’t to get me to go out to a bar, isn’t intimidated by the fact that I am independent and self-sufficient and he is more than willing to step into that role as my guardian and care taker…

I always maintained a mindset that I didn’t need a list of things I wanted in a man. I had a list of things I need and thus far he meets those needs. Yeah sure, we all have things we would like if we can get them, but those aren’t necessarily important, and even then, he meets those well. And again, do we have kinks and quirks that will need working out? Yeah, sure… Everybody does though, and he’s willing, and I’m willing which makes those bumps easier to smooth out. As with anything, we’ll ride it out, and see where our journey takes us.

From the country girl who’s heart has been and is still being earned by a soldier … My soldier …

God Bless y’all,

Jessica

Identity

I was in church the other day… One of the young adults was leading the group up there, and he was breaking down 1 Corinthians 13. Well, the way he was going about it, I felt the need to elaborate. It is so funny to me because I’m the quiet sit in a corner and interact with no one kind of person and then I find something I want to interject and I surprise everyone…

Anyway, the subject of Identity came up. How are we to love? How are we to handle bad situations? How, how, how… They kind of beat around the bush, not giving specific answers and so I took over the class from there.

Identity… Finding our identity in Christ is how we love, how we love without condition, how we love in a bad situation, how we love when we love our husband, child, wife, friend or that crazy person that is driving you freakin crazy!

Why? Because… If we are in Christ as Christ is in the Father, and the Father is love. We are love. We are extensions of God made in God’s image. And if Yeshua is in us and we in Him we are filled with that same love. Except! Here’s the thing…

What causes us to not love? Think about it… What causes us to get angry, mad, upset, uncomfortable, doubt, what causes us to trip over ourselves when someone says something to us?

Generally, fear… If you wanted to say control I could see that, but even still a need to be in control usually is stimulated by fear. Even if it is the smallest amount of fear… You can argue that there are other reasons for anger, but I challenge you to really truly breakdown the reasoning for why you get worked up over situations.

If a child rebels, parent becomes angry… Why does the parent get angry? Because the child is suppose to listen. The parent is suppose to have “control” over the child, if they can’t “control” their child what else is that child going to do?

If someone says you’re stupid, you get angry, why? Because you feel threatened/offended. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say, if you get worked up over someone talking down to you or about you, I would go as far to say that you don’t have the confidence in yourself to turn away. Because if you were truly confident in yourself and your identity you should be able to turn away knowing that whatever is said will be found false because other people will see your actions, will hear your words and they will understand.

Now, don’t get me wrong, am I perfect with this? No… I blew up at my mom’s oldest boy because he decided that he wasn’t going to listen to me and that “I wasn’t the boss of him” and yeah, I’m still a bit hot on the situation…

And, am I able to walk away when someone insults me or offends me? If I do, it isn’t easily… Usually comes to a knock down drag out argument… But I know it’s because I’m not 100% confident in who I am. I feel the need to justify myself. In a perfect world, I would turn away knowing I am who I am and it doesn’t matter what people think of me. And there’s some people that I can shrug off and it doesn’t affect me, but if it’s someone that I care about, oh no… That’s a whole other story.

Anyway, fear… Let’s circle back here… Anger comes from fear, fear comes from feeling threatened in some way BUT… Our Identity is in Yeshua who cannot be threatened. We are spiritual beings having an earthly experience… Our identity cannot be harmed. Ted Dekker, got me on a mindset of each person has two of themselves. The flesh and who they are in Yeshua. The earthly vessel and the spiritual being. Therefore, yes, our bodies can feel threatened and they will kick and scream and cause a mess but WE are fine… WE cannot be threatened because WE are in Yeshua and He in us.

So if WE are not threatened, WE do not fear, therefore, WE can love without condition. WE can love unconditionally as is modeled in 1 Corinthians 13. I encourage you to find your identity in Yeshua who is in Yahweh and rest in the fact that Yeshua is in us and this is where our identities lie… Not in being a teacher, spouse, child, sibling, friend, police officer, our identity is not in the roles of this world… they are simply that. They are roles that we have. If we are submerged into water, we do not become the water, there comes a time which our bodies are done, and we must leave the water to find a better life. On the same note, we are submerged in this place called earth and there comes a point at which our bodies have to leave and so they may pursue eternal life…

Before I close out here, if anyone is interested, Ted Dekker is making a book public here soon called “The Forgotten Way Meditations” It’s a great book all around! If you want to know who you are, want to know where you stand with God whether you think you God loves your or not, I suggest you get this book because it will open up a whole new world for you.

Enjoy the Journey,

God Bless,

Jessica

A Lesson From Muscles

 

So, I was sitting in church for the first time in what felt like forever this last Sunday… Our Pastor made a comment about the church body and some times the hand needs to reattach to the arm to get things done, or check in with the arm. Thing is though thinking about it… This goes for so much more than just the church body and from an Anatomical stand point… Yes, I’m going Anatomy and Physiology on y’all… But here’s the thing.

In an arm, in the hand… You have your muscles, something to blow your mind, the Biceps (Biceps Brachii) don’t even attach at the arm there, they attach to the scapula and to the forearm… They don’t attach anywhere on the upper arm. Biceps Brachii and Brachialis both are located in the upper arm, but attach to the forearm, however they alone aren’t going to flex that elbow of yours… They need the help of the Brachioradialis which is located in the forearm but attaches at the upper arm. And, all those little muscles that move your fingers, those are attaching at your elbow. Aside from the Extensors and Flexors of the fingers, so back to just arm muscles, if one of those three muscles quits working, you can say bye-bye to moving that sweet elbow of yours… Or, even if they don’t work enough and are only working a little, all the other muscles have to pick up that slack and work harder which in turn, stress out the muscles, those ones get fatigued and then once again, you are back to not moving that elbow…

On the same note, if your fascia below your skin gets pulled tight, it doesn’t just affect skin elasticity, it affects your muscles, which affect your bones, which affect your organs, which consist of your heart, your hormones, your liver, kidneys, EVERYTHING… All do to a tiny little twist of fascia at the surface…

So what does this information have to do with a working unit? Be it a family, a group, community, congregation or whatever. Point being, if we become unattached, or lazy, or unproductive, careless, and the like, a group wont maintain a proper working order. Others will get stressed, things wont get done. In order to have a healthy working relationship, we must learn to stay Interconnected and working together.

And here’s another thought for you, Phantom Limbs… If you’ve had an amputation, or know someone who’s had an amputation, you’ll likely have heard about the Phantom Limb, which, from my knowledge of them… The body’s got a hardwired map of itself in our brain, so the brain still senses things and tries to use them even though they aren’t there.

Where am I going with this? Here’s where… We should be that tightly knit together that we notice when something isn’t right, or when someone is missing.

Jeez… I was talking to a friend today and he told me that military suicides are numbering at least 20 per day.

Maybe they had support, maybe they didn’t, but you know what? In general when someone disappears and you don’t bother to check in on them, we don’t know what that person is going through, they could’ve felt rejected, or feared rejection, and if we don’t respond when a person disappears, then yeah, maybe we could have left it up to someone else, but ultimately, it’s our own fault to for not making sure it was done.

But in the end, when it’s all said and done, what has happened? Has that person sat in misery too long? Have they felt rejected, unloved, uncared for too long? You never know…

What I find kind of sad, is I feel like my school and my MMA coach care about me more than my own church… Why? Because, they are more willing to reach out and offer help to me. When I was sick for 2 months did my church call to make sure I was ok? No… My MMA coach did though… My classmates where making me teas, and carrying my stuff for me, and loving on me, despite my being sick…

Ok, so I didn’t really mean for my gears to shift there… But it’s kind of where all this started… For me at least… Really though, it does go for families too. Families are so broken these days, if we could regain some of that ability and learn to work as a proper unit we’d be doing so much better.

Friendships… Same thing, to have a solid friendship, both people have to check in. Both people are responsible for holding up the friendship. If only one person is responsible for trying to maintain the relationship, it gets frustrating for that person. Because inevitably they begin to question what is wrong with them and why their “friend” won’t hold up their end of the friendship. Unless they go the other way and just decide it’s not worth their time anymore.

So, I probably should be done now, because when it comes to dysfunctional communication/team work/relationships, I could go on forever…

So with that I will close.

God Bless,

Jessica